Illusion 100 xdxdxdxdxd
Because they have no body to go with…
I’m not fucking lying.
They take a meteor shower! ☄️
Never use A-minor.
He'll be happy to help you beat it.
My Girlfriend has been repeatedly asking me “Are you a character from Alice in Wonderland?” and it’s getting really annoying
My Friend asked me “Are you mad at her?” I replied “Don’t you start too”
He said he could make himself disappear by the count of three. He said uno, dos and then POOF he vanished without a tres
He was medaling in other people’s affairs.
Unfortunately she didn't know I existed.
Women really know how to hold a grudge over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.
It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me
It's his altar ego.
Because is was a stable career
Trump made a time of 11:56 Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31 Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03 But Bush did 9:11
I guess you can say they own a monopoly.
I said: "Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you."
But then i turned myself around.
You sheet metal
The doctor came and informed the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son was just a head! But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he could. Eighteen years later, the son was old enough for his first drink. The dad took him to a bar, tearfully told him he was proud of him, and ordered the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously, the boy took his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso popped out! The bar was dead silent, then burst into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" The bartender shook his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms popped out! The bar went wild. The father, crying and wailing, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" But the bartender ignored the whole affair. By this time, the boy was getting tipsy. With his new hands, he reached down, grabbed the drink, and guzzled the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs popped out. The bar was in chaos. The father wept with joy. The boy stood up on his new legs. He stumbled to the left. He stumbled to the right. Then he stumbled through the front door and into the street, where a truck ran him over. The bar fell silent. The father moaned with grief. The bartender merely sighed and said, "He should have quit while he was a head."
I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?" He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What denomination?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!" Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
But you can climate
How low can ya go
It’s full of s&m porn. Mom says: well what are we going to do? Dad says: what do you mean? Mom says: well.. we can’t spank him.
A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.
The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. A bystander quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei. The emergency operator asks the bystander, "What happened?" "It's hard to say." . . Co-written by M0ng078
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton-balls and a ball of string on the counter. The sales girl says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?" He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own… so does she."
He looked bewildered and replied, "Who, me?"
Oh wait nvm, she's back. Just went to go to the bathroom.
"Yes, I watched it all unfold"
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me—it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.” I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight for the door I opened the door, and sprinted towards my vehicle. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.” Moral of the story? Always keep the condoms in the car
That I revealed cheat notes from a calculus test from 1972
He sees a black man sitting casually at the side, and is disgusted by the sight of him. He then waves to the bartender and says, "I'd like to order a beer for everyone here except the black guy." As everyone else is treated to a beer, he looks back at the black man in hopes of getting a reaction out of him. The black man still sits casually, this time with a smile on his face. Confused and annoyed, the racist man waves again to the bartender and says, "another round for everyone except that same man." As everyone else enjoys their second beer, the racist man looks back again at the black man, who is still smiling. visibly angered, the racist man calls the bartender over a third time and orders a another round of beer for everyone except the black man. He then looks at the black man one more time, and sees him laughing. Furious, he rushes back to the bartender, points at the black man and asks, "Okay, what the hell is up with this guy?" The bartender then replies, "Oh, you didn't know? He owns this place."
No text found
Sometimes he even laughs
Because it's made of hide