I’m ashamed of what I’ve done
A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window. “What seems to be the problem?” asked the bee. “I’m out of petrol,” the man replied. The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. ”Try it now,” said the bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. “Wow,” the man exclaimed. “What did you put in my petrol tank?” “BP,” answered the bee.
The dentist shit himself, though.
Their socialism is just too much
Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, “Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?”
"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent." "And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?" "No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!" The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D BEEN FOOKIN' A PENGUIN!"
No text found
Everyone was dribbling on it.
i say people who sell vegetables are grocer.
Can someone explain to me why tf there’s a patent for the coronavirus?
Some are born with it while others have to get it pounded into them.
I’m clean now.
Two cannibals giving eachother a blowjob
I’ve had a stiff neck all day
Because they had a fight and 2021
But that’s a whisk I’m willing to take
It can write other words too.
I guess they must be aimed at a younger audience.
You know when you get the wrong impression of people? I thought this: “Man, he petty.” But he just did my nails.
The ceremony was alright but the reception was EXCELLENT!
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set all by my self.In a moment of panic,I threw a bedsheet over it
I think I managed to cover my tracks
When the punch line becomes a-parent
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
“Why are you calling me Grandpa?” “Because I couldn’t find it yesterday.”
"It’d be a shame if someone put an ‘s’ at the front and an ‘e’ at the end."
A garbage truck
He will be rolling in his grave.
moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains. "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking." “It hasn't affected my brothers though."
It was the end of my Korea