I’m dying man 🤣
Student : I is the … Teacher : Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student : OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Dad: No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
Ten tickles…. I’m not sorry.
She says it drives her up the wall.
He said, “You don’t seem to have much of a case.”
He just kinda blew up
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes…
"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
seemed to be a booby trap.
In the shower they notice that there are no soap. One of them says "Il go to my room and bring 2 soap bars" runs naked to the room, grabs 2 bars of soap and when he was running back… 3 nuns show up, first thing he remembers to do "freezes like a statue".. Nuns look at the statue and say "Such a beautiful figure, perfectly shaped" One of them, looking to the priest's "toy soldier" decides do pull it…. The priest's reaction to the enormous pain makes him drop one of the soap bars The nun concludes then, that it is no statue…. It actually is a soap machine!! The second nun happily does exactly the same and the priest drops the second bar of soap! The third nun pulls it once…. Nothing… Pulls it twice….. Nothing…. Pulls it thrice…. Nothing… Pulls it again and again and again…. And finnaly marveled she says: "Lord be praised… It also gives shower gel!!"
It makes me say thing I don't nintendo.
A random woman was wearing a mask and she took it off to cough, I don’t know if it’s in purpose but she almost literally coughed on me
It’s always the centre of a tension.
„Were you even listening to me?!“
I asked if she wanted it pasteurized. She said, "No, up to my tits is fine."
It's left me scratching my head to be honest.
Thanks to him I did 89 push ups in 10 seconds.
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
To the horspital! Just kidding, they get shot.
In a panic reflex I instantly changed to a random channel, the fishing channel. As my wife walks out again she says: "you should stay on the porn channel… you know how to fish."
So I put in a re-straining order.
Dad: "I don't know…where are my dad glasses?"
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!" The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion." The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."
I guess we are raised differently.
It was a pane to replace.
They didn’t see that well.
The other cow says "no I'm a penguin"
The odds were against me.
I don't care how big a spider is, nobody steals my fucking shoe.
…it would become a pomegranite.
When the punchline becomes apparent. When does the punchline become apparent? After the delivery.