I’m fine with that
Why do space rocks taste better than earth rocks?
They’re a little meteor.
My brother always lies, today he finally admitted to being a pathological liar
Yeah, like I'm falling for that
Coding in binary takes a lot of effort.
You have to do it bit by bit.
What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt
I went to a restaurant and they served me hydrogen atoms cooked at millions of degrees.
They said that it was a fusion cuisine.
Studies show cows produce more Milk when the Farmer talks to them.
It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder
The past, present and future walk into a bar…
It was tense.
My sister bet me I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti…
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta
Knock knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who?
Olive the other reindeer!
What do you call a group of introverts?
A paradox.
To the person who stole my glasses
I can still drink from the bottle.
Rewatching the first season of Survivor, and I felt this.
Rewatching the first season of Survivor, and I felt this.
If Hooters started delivering
Would they change their name to knockers?
Life is like a box of chocolates
It doesn't last long for fat people
From now on all boomer reaction memes will be removed. (Boomers: Insert laughing here)
This sub is for comics and nothing else. If you have any questions please leave a comment on here.Edit: Proud of you guys! Thank you for following the rules!
My son is now at that age where he’s curious about the human body.
I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.
If life gives you melons,
You might be dyslexic
Some guy came up to me and said, “I haven’t gone to the bathroom in two years.”
I said, "you're full of crap"
A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up
A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day. A few days later, he delivers the exact same letter to the same house that he picked it up from. He glances at the mailing address and observes that it is indeed the same as the return address. Anyone can make a mistake, so the mailman puts the letter in the mailbox so that the customer can readdress it for its proper recipient. He thinks nothing of it and finishes his day. The next day, the mailman sees the same mailbox with the flag up. He opens the box and again sees the same letter, nothing changed, but with a new stamp on it. The mailman is perplexed, and thinking to save the customer both time and money, decides to ring the doorbell and inquire about the letter. Ding-dong, ding-dong. Ding-dong, ding-dong. Ding-dong, Ding-dong. The door opens and standing there is a stout Buddhist monk, dressed in traditional garb. “Pardon me, sir,” the mailman says, “but you seem to be trying to mail this letter again, and without any changes to the address, it’s only going to end up back at your home in a few days.” “Ah, my letter. Thank you so much for mailing it the other day, it was greatly appreciated. Please do so again” replies the Buddhist monk. “But sir,” says mailman, “you will only waste a stamp, and this letter will be re-delivered to your home a few days from now.” “But that is my intention, dear man,” replies the Buddhist monk. “You see, reposting is the best way to get karma.”
What do you call a colour that doesn’t exist?
A pigment of your imagination
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution “this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before”.
So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "mmm… that was some good lion meat!". The lion abruptly stops and says "woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can". Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily "get on my back, we'll get him together". So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts "where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…"
April 13th, 2020 Presidential Campaign Rally Masquerading as a COVID-19 Task Force Briefing
https://ift.tt/2Vbc0Tj
Dads are like boomerangs
I hope.
Men think about sex every 7 seconds…
Which is why I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds… So it doesn't get weird.
If I had a Nickle For every Time I was Clueless, I’d be Like
How the f*** did I get all these nickles?
Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have little anty bodies
My brother has the heart of a lion.
And a lifetime ban at the San Diego Zoo.
“Knock, knock” “Who’s there?” “Norway” “Norway who?”
"Norway in hell Epstein killed himself!"
What’s the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?
The taste. Kindly stolen from my friend who is an ER doc.
When cashing out at the grocery store it was obvious my cashier was high, slow as hell, and insulting me under their breath.
I still don't know if I like self-checkout.
Hey girl are you HTTP?
Because you're really insecure