I’m going to freeze myself -273.15°
My friends are worried, but i will be 0K
I hate making decisions based on stereotypes.
Three guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
"You know, one would have been enough."
Apparently he was in over his head.
I never strike in the same place twice.
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne"
Your wife will never refuse an opportunity to blow your bonus.
The first time he set a building on fire, I turned to my wife and said, "yep, that's arson."
…and starts looking for some work in an up-scale neighborhood nearby. He goes to the front door of the nearest house and asks the owner, if he had any odd jobs for him to do. “Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?” the owner says. The Mexican responds, “How about $50?” The owner says “Fine, there’s a can of brown paint and brushes in the garage.” The owner’s wife, inside the house, overhearing the conversation asks her husband, “Does he realize that the porch goes all around the house? That’s a whole day’s job!!” The man replies, “He should; he was standing on it. Not my problem if he didn’t pay attention.” A short time later, the Mexican comes to the door and asks for the $50. “You’ve finished already?” the husband asks. “Yes,” he replies, “and there was paint left over, so I gave it two coats.” Impressed, the man reaches into his pocket for the money and hands it to him. “And by the way,” the Mexican adds, “it’s not a Porsche, it’s BMW"
When I open it, it makes me cry.
But does anyone know where the Minneapolis?
“Yes, we arson.”
Because he conditioned it.
He’d laugh and say, “Son, you’re grounded.”
The blonde replies: "Oh My Gosh! You slut! How many is a Brazilian?"
But it was a bit of a stretch.
…it was fantastic!
My father passed this morning. In his honor, I present his favorite joke: why do polish people have ski at the end of their names?
Because they can't spell toboggan. – Stanley G. Kapuscinski
sin 90 = cot 45
No one's posted here all decade… (Regards from New Zealand)
Arse skin for a friend.
He was tired of being a web developer.
It was only when I got home that I realised I had picked 7 Up.
This time it’s the devil trying to get the priest out of the child.
Because he was my newt
Does that make him a jolly rancher?
After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info. Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info. Then they took the Italian spy and did the same to him, but he didnt give any info. They kept torturing him for 3 hours but with no luck. Eventually they gave up and put him back in the cell. The 2 other spies asked him “How did you do that? They tortured us like crazy!” The Italian replied: “I wanted to give all my info, but they tied my hands and so I couldn't speak.
But when he rounded them up he had 400.
…"Do you mind if I sit beside you?” The girl replied with a loud voice, "NO, I DON 'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy 's table and said, "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?” The guy then responded with a loud voice, “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT 'S WAY TOO MUCH!” All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy stood and whispered in her ear, "I study law, and I know how to screw people."