I’m going to join the Navy purely out of spite
I’m longing to become a Petty Officer.
It has an ex-axis and a why-axis
Apparently, keeping it to yourself.
A man went into a toy store and ripped the arms off of every teddy bear in the store. Why did the judge let him go free?
He had the right to bear arms.
weighs as much as the other two combined
As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
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Say 'Gucci Gucci Gucci'
He’s all right now.
But it still has potential.
It was fake noose
He's been made the CIEIO
Nothing, they're already stuffed…
“Goodnight Mum, Goodnight Dad, Goodnight grandad, bye grandma.” The next day the grandma dies. The girl says again: “Goodnight Mum, Goodnight Dad, Bye grandad.” The next day the grandad dies. The next night, the girl says: “Goodnight Mum, bye Dad.” When the dad gets home from work he says “Honey I have had the most insane day!” The Mother says: “Me too! The postman died on the front yard!”
So we stopped playing chess.
They bring delight. My 7-year-old son told me this at the breakfast table this morning. He is going to be a great dad one day.
It turned into a laughing stock. That's a humerus joke.
"I'd like a whisky and……………coke" Bartender "why the big pause?" Bear "i don't know, i was born with'em"
I’m on season 6 and I’m not really sure what this show has to do with security
Sorry if this wasn't very funny to read out on Reddit. Most of my jokes are all in the delivery.
…you know, "other hole". I said that's dumb because she might get pregnant.
The well, actually.
Did you know that there are no canaries in the Canary Islands? And the same thing applies to the Virgin Islands;
There are no canaries there either.
But it turned out to be a mirage sale.
A cantaloupe! *yesterday at work, my stupid brain called a caribou a cantaloupe because i couldn't remember the name and was thinking of an antelope too. If this isn't original, I'm sorry. But my brain farts come up with interesting answers!
A Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table. Barman, he says, "A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there." As everyone in the bar receives their drinks, he looks directly at the Jew with a nasty little smile. Surprisingly the Jew nods his head and sends a warm smile back. The Nazi is somewhat miffed, as this was not the reaction he expected. So he goes back to the bar "Barman, a second round for everyone but him, and this time take it all from the top shelf" Nazi looks again at the Jew, and notices that he is STILL smiling back, and even warmer than before "Is that Jew a complete fool or what?" he asks the barman Bartender responds: "Oh no my generous friend, that gentleman is my boss and the owner of the bar"
So that makes me…. transparent