i’m in chemistry
Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?
Hispanic attacks
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain because…
…of the indoor fins…
It all
The title says it all.
Why is every gender equality officer female?
Because its cheaper
I told my dad I want to see Spider-Man: Far From Home
He said, "But son, it's the same film if you watch it here."
If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex,
would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
What’s the difference between the swine flu and the bird flu?
One requires oinkment, and the other requires tweetment.
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. The bouncer is a blonde girl. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?' The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'Nah I don't think it'll be funny if I'll have to explain it five times'.
Why did Jim Morrison cross the road?
To break on through to the other side
I hate jokes about infinity
They always take forever to say… ha ha?
Got an ice cream for my girlfriend
Best trade i ever made.
Best joke I have still ever overheard. Dad to his buddies while I’m 10 years old listening from the porch.
This guy walks into a bar with his briefcase in hand and he’s mad. He sits at the bar, puts his case down and orders a drink. The bartender serves him right up and asks the man what’s got him down. The man gives a disappointed grin and tells the bartender that he can just show him. He opens his briefcase and out pops a tiny person about a foot tall that begins to play his miniature piano. Of course the bartender is amazed and is just about to ask where he found this little guy but is cut off by the man who informs him that there’s a genie outside his bar granting people wishes for free. The bartender sprints outside but comes right back only minutes later followed by an army of quacking ducks that fill the whole place. Angrily, the bartender says to the first man that the genie has: “ Gotta be deaf man! I ask for a million bucks and get a million ducks…” First man says “ Bro, you think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?”
Why did it take so long for the pirates to learn the Alphabet?
They got stuck at C
I stopped being breastfed at 3
But enough about my day, how was yours?
I just got back from the doctor, who told me I’m infertile.
I'm not kidding.
“I’m sorry,” said the barman, “we don’t serve time travellers.”
A time traveller walks into a bar.
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.
I had to drop out to graduate.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent!
![[Video] The Unemployed Software Developer](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/no_image_card-192-400x247.png)
I am so bored being stuck at home that I decided to memorize six pages of a dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
So far, Humpty Dumpty is having a terrible winter
Which sucks because he had a great fall
Ok,so if corona virus isn’t about beer,
Why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
My 10 year old daughter just told me this one. “What did the green grape say to the purple grape?”
"Breathe you idiot, BREATHE!" I've never been so proud.
Two ladies had been friends for decades. Every day they sat together on a bench in the park and chatted.
One day, one lady told the other, "This is terribly embarrassing, but I hope you understand. You know how it is to be old. I keep forgetting things. I have to tell you, my dear friend, that I simply can't remember your name. Could you please tell me your name again?" The other lady looked at her for a long time, and asked, "How soon do you need to know?"
What does a wife and a handgrenade have in common?
If you pull the ring, your house is gone.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden.
To my horror, I saw her kill a butterfly. To teach her a lesson, I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
I’d like to tell you my corona virus joke.
Hopefully you won't get it.
