im in the hsopiatl now thsis is sofunny omg
The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry…. we can't hire you." "But wait," the man says. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!" "Really? Great! Show me!" So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking. "Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!" "Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!" "Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?" "Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
"Chris, close the god damn door if you're taking a shit"
He said he tried it once while in college, but it was so bad that he hasn't got the balls to try it again.
Apparently the paper was jamming.
He learned next to nothing.
….maybe ours will now run on Thyme.
A carrot. (I'll show myself out…)
She can't hear me otherwise.
"Why the big pause?" – says the bartender. "I don't know. I was born with them" – says the bear.
He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash. As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too. The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide. The dentist got close enough & said, "Man did you have a 69 before you came here?" Kevin, shocked says, "Why, No! Does my breath smell like pussy?" The dentist says, "No, but your forehead smells like ass!"
it's not hard…
I also have great luck with pistachios, cashews and almonds.
I suggested he become a pharmacist. He says he's got no experience. I said "whatever," all you do is follow the script!
He was consumed by his own pride!
They dont like getting roasted
You need it to go skydiving TWICE.
Rest on peace.
but then I lost it.
But when I do he laughs
Because it flew over your head.
Aisle B, back!
You would go to prison and they would make a documentary about you. You sick fuck
It was the least I could do to help.
Son: Dad, can't you just use a sponge ?
You give her a pound, then you give her a pound
SIMPLE – Just give it some food! If she eats the food, then it's a girl. But if he eats the food, then it's a boy.
“Of course,” Tom remarked.