i’m laughing so hard this is genius
I said maybe-
My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, “Can you imagine being that strong?”
So I picked up the leaf and said, “Yes.”
My son wanted some girl advice, so I told him, “If you are intimidated by a date, remember one thing.”
They are just big raisins.
Then they hung her.
They've been keeping me off the streets for years.
Restaurant in peace
They're lo mein tenants.
I'd give it one star.
Until I drove pasta
So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.” “I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.” They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.
Can February March? No, but April May.
It’s really gotten out of hand.
They believe it is the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher
New password is “chickenkiev”
At her parent's house. Her father, after being woken by the noises, goes upstairs to check it out; and walks in on them. "Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "…I'm sorry" The dad being, a dad, replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!" He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you *fucking* sorry?"
"You know, I woke up as usual, got to my horse and went to school. But I don't know why, my horse suddenly died in the middle of the town square. I had to walk rest of the way and that's why I am late." Teacher doesn't believe a single word, but there will be enough time to solve this problem after class. Then second late student came. "I am really sorry I came late. I overslept my alarm, but I got to my horse and galloped here as fast as I could. And suddenly in the middle of the town square my horse died, so I had to walk the rest of the way." Teacher doesn't believe this either. But before he can say anything a third late student appears in the class. "Let me guess. You wanted to came here on your horse, but it died. Am I right?" asks the teacher. "What? No. I went by tram as usual. But we were delayed, because on the town square are 2 dead horses lying in the track."
Sit on a couch and look comfortable.
– said by a very passionate eye doctor as they throw eye glasses into a crowd. (credit goes to my mom)
Through the Dumbell door.
Because you’ll get Jurass kicked..
It's more difficult to deter gents though
A no-bell price
We keep it in the family
I think I might have terror wrists.
Dude 2: “Brochure.”
Apparently my property line isn’t where I thought it was.
It's a crow chez crochet.
It was oddly sharp