I’m not sure what confused the mailman more…
the fact that I came to the door naked, or the fact that I knew where he lived.
Then I saw the next two letters…
A mother is concerned that her son isn’t making enough money on his own, so she asks what he will do for a living
And he says he won't have a real job, but he has found a legal loophole to take advantage of the sketchy business practices in his city; he discovered many of the repossession companies in his city didn't fill out the proper paperwork before taking a car away. So he would buy a new car on loan and intentionally not make the payments. When the repossession company would come, he would let them take it, and then threaten to sue them in court. He would rough himself up a little bit, and the company would settle outside of court; they would pay for the car to avoid getting a negative reputation. "That's smart son, but what makes you think you'll be successful here?" "That's easy. Repo sting for car, ma!"
I said to myself, “I’m done with this shit.”
Hope it’s not terminal.
What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw in your laundry. The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit." We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."
he was very self absorbed.
Apparently it is just you was not the correct response n
Bartender says: "Wrong joke, yours is across the road?"
Shes hears a knock on the door and a man says "can i come in". "who are you?" she asks nervously. "Im the blind man" he replies. "Oh well in that case come in" she says relieved. The man walks in. "Nice tits" he says "Now where shall I hang these blinds?"
I guess we are raised differently.
The first asks for a pint of beer. The second asks for 1/2 of a pint of beer. The third asks for 1/4 of a pint of beer, etc. The bartender fills 2 pints of beer, and walks away.
The local drug dealer in town started dressing as a Jehovah’s Witness so as not to arouse suspicion.
He was arrested when cops saw people actually letting him in.
DAD: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? SON: Envelope.
To get some fresh beets.
Because they’re straight up with each other.
it's where I flip your MOM over
So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian.
Lawyer: Do you have proof? Me: No L: Send him a bill for the $5000 he owes you. M: But it's only $500. L: Exactly, he will respond saying just that. And you will have proof.
It couldn't handle the bars.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Now it’s worth $875,000
Because then it'd be a foot.
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?" "What do you mean strange?" "Because you sell only trumpets and guns!" "So?" "Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?" "It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
But it didn't hurt, because it was a soft drink!
Fortunately, I got one free off the web.
just in case I start seeing two of you…
There was a B
A receding hareline.