I’m so nervous..
A comedian’s fan offered him a joint
Not wanting to disappoint his fans, he accepted it. He almost finished the drive to his lodging when a police officer stopped his car. The officer asked him, "Have you been drinking?" The comedian denied doing so. The officer then asked, "Is that marijuana I smell?" The comedian replied, "No, I ran over a skunk a few miles back." The officer gave him a good look over and asked, "Why are your eyes red?" The comedian sniffled and said, "It was a baby skunk." Edit: grammar
A weasel walks in to a bar. The bartender says “What can I get you?”
“Pop” goes the weasel.
What’s red and bad for you’re teeth?
A Brick.
How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb?
Why must it be a group activity?
The rotation of the earth makes my day
No text found
Why can’t ants get Covid-19?
They have tiny little antibodies…
Why did donald trump throw the sick eagle out of USA?
Because it was an illeagle.
“Dad, can you do my math homework for me?” “No son, it wouldn’t be right.”
"Well, at least you could try."
What do you call a hen that counts her eggs?
A mathemachicken.
Set you Wifi password to 244466666
So you can say the password is 123456.
there is love without sex, and there is sex without love.
and then there’s you, without both.
I like my women how I like my computer.
On my lap. Turned on. Virus free.
Studies say obesity is the main cause of erectile dysfunction
Time to get joggin’ ladies
Man sits at a bar and orders five shots…
the bartender asks the guy, "What's up bud? You look rough." "Well," says the man, "I just found out my dad is gay and he's left my mom for some pool boy." "Ouch," says the bartender, "here, these are on the house today." A few days later the same guy comes in and orders another five shots. "Oh no man, what happened this time?" The bartender asks. "Just found out my brother is gay, he's left his wife for a man he met at a gay bar last week." "I'm sorry man," the bartender says, "these are on the house." Just one week later the guy comes in again and orders ten shots. The bartender asks, "Man! Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" The guy responds, "Yeah…my wife."
Today is my 25 birthday. I’m quarantined but it’s still nice to hang with the boys
https://ift.tt/2ZuP1VJ
Wife “Do you want to watch The Last Airbender with us?”
Me "I dunno. I haven't even watched the first one." Groans from the wife and kids ensue.
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus asks for a table for 26. The head waiter says, “But there’s only 13 of you.” Jesus says, “Yeah, but we’re all going to sit on the same side.”
Scientists confirmed West Virginia has zero cases of COVID-19
This was due to the fact that one family was immune to the strain.
A man in an interrogation room says “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”
Cop: You are the lawyer. Lawyer: Exactly, so where’s my present?
So many people these days are too judgemental.
I can tell just by looking at them.
![Assault and Pepper [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/wyfla1s8f4n41-400x498.png)
Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages.
They are calling it the wurst käse scenario.
What do you call a girl who refuses to pay her bills?
Burnadebt (Just thought of this and I gotta admit…I'm a little bit proud of myself.)
My penis was recently in the Guinness Book of World records
At least until the Librarian caught me.
I consider myself to be quite a pussy magnet
Now if I can just figure out how to change the polarity.
The police stops a man and woman who have their seatbelts on.
Police: "hi you're the first people today with their seatbelts on, so we want to give you an award of 5000 dollar." The policeman seeing the happy couple gets curious and asks "what are you going to do with the money?" The man answers: "I'm going to take lessons for my driver's license" The woman: " don't listen to him. When he is drunk he says stupid things!" The man on the backseat: "I told you not to ride in a stolen car!" A voice from the trunk: "did we cross the border?"
Bro, do you want this pamphlet?
Brochure.
What do you call a big group of Germans?
Germany. I'm no dad but I'll get myself into shape for when the time comes .
