I’m still in shock
She needs to learn that I choose the pizza toppings.
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first Me: Okay, I’ll have a coke. Bartender: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Sure, how much is that? Bartender: $3. Me: There you go. So what’s the WiFi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase. EDIT: format
I thought, "I can't turn that down."
Edit: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!
She wanted to see the task manager
In a Wacondo. My son and I just came up with that joke, driving past Disneyworld.
I told her to get out of my fort.
WiiU! WiiU! WiiU! WiiU! WiiU!
FOUR, GOD OF NUMBERS!
I asked him if he had a 123. Confused, he looked at me and asked what I meant. I stared back and said, you have an ichi ni san.
So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now she’s sangria then ever…
Because it has a nice ring to it
Nuts and bolts.
But I never got the chants.
When it's apparent
But let me give it a shot.
Husband: Hi pregnant, I'm dad. Wife: No you're not.
To prove it was just as good as chicken!
"What's wrong, honey?" her husband asks. "What's wrong?!?" the woman shouts, "THESE CONTRACTIONS ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME!" "Sorry babe. What is wrong?"
A deeply religious man, whom I will call Dave, finds himself in dire financial trouble. He prays earnestly to his God to help him out of his predicament. "God, I'm about to lose my car. Please help me. Let me win the lottery." Lottery night comes, but sadly, Dave is not the winner. Things go from bad to worse. Without a car to get to work, Dave loses his job. Without a job, his mortgage is foreclosed on, and he loses his home. Without a home, his wife leaves him, taking the kids. After each horrible step in the mounting crisis, he pleads with God to let him win the lottery, but he never does. Finally, broke, hungry, living on the street, he tries again. "God, please, my life is a wreck. I have no car, no home, no family. Please let me win the lottery just this once so that I can turn my life around. I beg you." Suddenly, a flash of light comes from the sky, and the voice of God echoes down from the heavens. "Dave, meet me halfway, buy a fucking ticket."
I said, “Don’t cry over skilled milf.”
It was a Stark realization.
You could view the cross on the cover of the Holy Bible as a big time spoiler….
This is a reference to the Descartes quote "I think, therefore I am." But if I had explained that earlier, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
Tommy proudly answered, "North, South and Tad!"
"Hatch who?" "Bless you!" Source: my 6yo at dinner tonight