I’m Still Worthy!
Imagine Convincing Someone From The Past That These Are Actual Headlines From 2019
https://ift.tt/2NoXPGg
Why is dark spelled with a k and not a c
Because you can't see in the dark
Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?
To see the battle.
If my name was Travis, I would get a tee shirt and put my name across the chest.
It would be a travesty.
Are camo jokes not a thing anymore?
I can't see them anywhere.
What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
synonym rolls
What’s the quickest way to prevent a man from drowning?
Shoot him in the face
I’m reading a book about the history of glue.
I just can't seem to put it down.
Did you hear about the baby strawberry?
It’s parents were in a jam.
Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds
They’ve left no tern unstoned
What is Forrest Gump password
1forrest1
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.
He shouts, “A beer please! And one for the road!”
Diarrhea Awareness starts tomorrow.
Runs for 2 days.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap
He was high on my list of priorities
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, your pizza will be round.”
Today I wished my dad a Happy Father’s Day.
His response: “Thanks son. I couldn’t have done it without you!” Happy Father’s Day!!
Q: What do you call a Satanist who only eats low-carb pizza?
ʇsnɹɔ-ᴉʇu∀ ǝɥ┴ :∀
I found a spot of cancer on my bingo card.
But don't worry, it was B9.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don't get some support, people are going to think we're nuts!
A wife is clearing out her closet
And she finds loads of clothes to put to the charity shop. The husband walks in and says “just throw them away, there’s no need to put them to the charity shop” The wife replies “aye there is, there’s starving children in Africa who could need these clothes” And the husband says “darling if they can fit in your clothes they aren’t starving”
What do you call a hippies wife?
Mississippi
I swiped right on a girl without a picture, and we matched.
So after a brief chat i went to go pick her up. I wasn't expecting much, probably 300 lbs with bad skin, but hey, I was so desperate it was this or join an incel chatroom. I walked up to the door and lo and behold, 5'2", baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair, all the right curves in all the right places. I couldn't believe my luck. I asked her what she did for a living. She said she taught sunday school. Now I never had me a Christian girl, but I'm open minded so I took her to dinner. On the way, I lit a joint and asked her if she puffs. "Oh heaven's no, what would I tell my Sunday school children." I said okay, weed's 50/50 some people do some people don't. And I took her to the best restaurant I knew. I ordered the steak, she ordered the lobster. I asked for the second most expensive bottle of wine on the menu. When the waitress came to pour, She said she didn't drink. I said "you don't drink?!?" "Oh heaven's no, what would I tell my Sunday school children." Excellent food, sparkling conversation but i'm bummed out, I don't know what to do with a girl like this. So I'm driving her home and pass a cheap motel, I figure, what have I got to lose. So i ask: "wanna get a room and knock boots?" She says: I thought you'd never ask! I say: Really? What are you gonna tell your Sunday school children? She says: The same thing I tell them every week. You don't have to drink and do drugs to have a good time!
A big city doctor visits an Native American tribe full of men and he asks “How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?”
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc? We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
What does a pear tree do before growing it’s fruit?
It pre-pears
Sharing one of the best Facebook pages for Computer Science memes.
Hi everyone,Please visit https://ift.tt/2Kh2Yho to check out some of the funniest memes on Computer Science. Also, do share the memes you want to get posted here (with credits given of course).
My Math teacher told me 0! = 1
But my computer teacher told me 0 != 1