I’m trying my best..
A priest, a lawyer and a rabbi walk into a bar
The bartender asks "Is this a joke?"
What do an English teacher and a Coder have in common?
They're both pro-grammars
Did you know 2×10 is same as 2×11 ?
One is twenty and other is twenty too.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I told a joke to a Japanese guy earlier about Sodium and Nickel…
He didn't get it though, so he just said "NaNi?!"
Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
My wife and I are finally going to visit San Francisco to see the Golden Gate in person.
Her: What are you going to do when we see it? Me: We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
I sent my wife a picture of my flaccid penis.
Just to let her know I was thinking of her.
Need an Ark?
I Noah guy.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web
Justice is best served cold.
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
Kid: Dad, let me be frank…. and if you say, “Hi Frank, I’m Dad”, I’m gonna be super pissed.
Dad: Gotcha, gonnabesuperpissed.
6:30 is the best time of day.
Hands down.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died recently?
He pasta way.
A child asked his father “Dad, do politicians ever tell the truth?”
The father answered, "Only when they call each other liars."
If you cannot find your dog, open the fridge door.
He’s standing right behind you.
What is red and smells like blue paint
Red paint
Many years ago, all the female Warlocks perished in the desert.
The individual male Warlocks, try as they might, could not master the art of bringing back their counterparts and all seemed lost. Then, two young Warlocks found that, by working together – one recreating the body while the other recreated the soul – they could bring them back to life from the very sand they died in. It's crazy but they could finish each other's Sand Witches.
What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle??
A polar bear
A man goes into a restaurant. He has a seat at a booth and opens a menu to find out that none of the foods have prices next to them.
He asks the waiter, “How much is the Fettuccine Alfredo?” The waiter says, “A penny.” The man exclaims, “A penny? How much for a steak?” The waiter says, “A nickel.” The man is astonished. “Are you serious? Where’s the man who owns this place? I’d like to shake his hand!” The waiter answers, “He’s upstairs with my wife.” Confused, the man asks, “What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?” The waiter smiles and says, “The same thing I’m doing down here to his business.”
Why did the baker go to work?
He kneads the dough.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decaffeinated
For people on this sub who are thinking of getting married, consider this carefully before you do.
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring. On the other hand, you don’t.
What has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck
I like telling Dad jokes.
Sometimes he laughs … :/
Republican’s ultimate alpha-male. More paranoid than a Kardashian of ruining his makeup.
https://ift.tt/3b7zJsh
