Imagine hating your wife so badly
Later in life, i learned that condoms only work 99% of the time.
On the one hand he is unfaithful, but on the other hand it was nice that he visited me at work.
Today, I lost my job as a bus driver.
Now I've got two adult knees.
A lumberjack walks into an enchanted forest. As he goes to chop down a tree, it calls out. “Wait, don’t chop me down. I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack smiles. "And you will dialogue."
He got charged with Brie Larceny
It was a cereal killer.
A non-prophet organization! 😂😂
But none of them work.
I learned next to nothing.
Ahhh, it takes me back.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I’m disappointed.
His next poop could spell disaster.
When it's apparent
An ant eater anteater. What would you call someone against the previously mentioned anteater? An anti ant eater anteater. What would you call someone who eats the previous person? An anti ant eater anteater eater. What if that person is your parents sister? Auntie anti ant eater anteater eater. And if a play is made about all of this? Auntie anti ant eater anteater eater theater. And finally, who is the director of this play? The Auntie anti ant eater anteater eater theater leader.
The secret service aren’t allowed to yell “GET DOWN” anymore if the president is about to be attacked.
Instead they say, “DONALD, Duck!”
The Chinese refuse to recognize Ty won.
He hates it when I say his name backwards
With a sea-saw.
"Don't worry" said the midwife "they're just contractions"
He sees a cute girl sitting at the bar and sits down near her. About an hour later he finally comes up to her and quietly asks her: -Excuse me miss, could I buy you a drink? The girl screams: -No! I am NOT having sex with you!! Everyone at the bar turns and stares at him. Humiliated, he walks away. A few minutes later the girl walks up to him and says: -I'm sorry I embarrassed you. See, I am a psychology student and I am observing human behavior in uncomfortable situations. The man turns and yells: -What do you mean for $200?!
That way you will be a mile away and have his shoes.
Is sphere itself