Imagine only acting like a particle
We’re a cover band.
"Well son, time for bed," the father says. "But dad, I'm 16 now!" the son complains. The father replies, "I don't care how old you are, you're not watching me masturbate."
Still made it to my door.
So I packed my bags and right.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
Dad: OB Juan, you’re our only hope.
He said, “Its pretty lit.”
…a man enters and asks them "Can you see me?" and they respond; "Yes." "Oui." "Sí." "Ja."
1Forrest1 Edit: Thanks for the Silver Award
A private tooter.
They now yell "Donald, duck!"
You can sleep with a light on
We were maid for each other.
He was running a Shell corporation.
NASA: I’m coming over.
Too many Cheetahs
and I have Palm Sunday.
If there’s one more, it would be too farty.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
They saw things differently
Numbers not divisible by 2.
An Indian guy wants to get married. His parents select three girls for him, and he goes on a couple of dates with each of them. His friend asks him afterwards, “How did it go?” He says, “Well, they were all really nice. But I did something different. I gave each of them Rs. 50,000 to see how they spend it. I said surprise me when we meet after a week.” Friend: “Okay, that’s weird…But what happened when you met them after a week?” He says: “First girl bought some new clothes, make-up, and jewelry and said she wanted to look good for me.” “Second girl bought a new watch for me, and said it is your money, and I wanted to give something nice to you.” “Third girl didn’t bring anything, but said she opened an investment account, which will help grow this money and help us in the future.” Friend asked with utmost curiosity: “Well, whom are you marrying then??” The guy said “I am marrying the one with the biggest boobs”.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in…
It’s currently half empty…
A buck an ear.
To be honest, I didn’t know she sold flowers.
"Who is there?" "Grandma!" "Grandma wh-, HOLY SHIT STOP THE FUNERAL!"
Dad: No I got shot in the leggy.
Nothing. It’s on the house.
My wife hit the roof
It's because he is the man of steel. One of my students told me he made this up and I couldn't be more proud.
HE: There's a spider in your bra.
He got in the face of a private and yelled, “I bet when I die you’ll show up at my grave and spit on it!” “Not me,” the private said. “After I get out of the army I’m never standing in a line again.”
The bartender said “Hey”, then the horse “you read my mind buddy.”
Was having a hard time getting laid so he goes to the doctor. The doctor said “No, I’m sorry but you will have to go to a surgeon”. The man goes to the surgeon and the surgeon said “ Sorry there’s nothing I can do but you can try a witch doctor”. So the man thought at this point he might as well give it a try. So he goes to the witch doctor and the witch doctor said” Oh, that’s easy. Just climb up the Bear Mountains and go down Bear Mountains. Fog will appear then disappear. Once the fog disappear, a frog will appear on a lily pad. Ask that frog if that frog will marry you.” So the man goes up the Bear Mountains, down the Bear Mountains, fog appears, fog disappeared. A frog appears on a lily pad. The man ask the frog if he will marry him. The frog says no and the man felt a trembling and shake, looked down his pants and noticed his penis shrank by 5 inches. The man asked the frog again, “Frog, will you marry me?”. The frog again said no. The man felt the trembling and shaking again and noticed his penis shrank by 5 more inches. He thought to himself, “This is great! All I gotta do is ask the frog one more time and he will say no and I’ll have a 10 in perfect penis and every woman will want to have sex with me”. He proceeded to ask the frog one more time “Frog, will you marry me?” The frog looks up at him and said “How many times I gotta tell you? NO, NO, NO!”
the letter “f”