In 2020 we’re going to have an entire year of bad puns about vision
I can see it clearly.
Kenya believe it? I'm Ghana miss her.
He got the axe after making a cutting remark about some dead wood.
It went back four seconds
He’d laugh and say, “Son, you’re grounded.”
Me; "What are you wearing??" Dad; "its my crop top"
So I packed up my stuff and right.
Good Dad, terrible geologist.
Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Keeps calling it a hippo potty myth
That diagnosis really came out of the purple
where have you been for the last 20 years?
A happy, hollow ween!
I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."
I’m from Alabama and I don’t appreciate all the jokes Reddit makes about my home state. I told my dad, my uncle, and my grandpa about it.
When he found out he was madder than hell.
We were maid for each other.
At that moment I decided I'd never visit Thailand again.
Cause dad's left.
I guess they’re aimed at a younger audience….
The bartender says "Hey!" Then the horse replies "Sounds good!"
That should make the cremation a little more interesting…
An employee was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here and my Secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?" “Certainly,” said the employee. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button. “Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”
"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?" A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend. I'm really happy that my prayer worked.
A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy.
The boy replies, “I’m an orphan, your honor.”
Son takes his father to the doctor. The doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer.
Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the boozer on the way home to celebrate it. While at the pub, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS. When the friends leave the son asks, "Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?" The father replies, "I don't want them fucking your mother after I'm gone!"
I said, “Who is this guy?” Grandpa: This is my hip replacement.
I didn't think it was pause-able.
I hope nobody takes a fence.
That’s seven years in a row now!!
It couldn't handle the bars.