In laughter the L comes first..
The rest of the letters come aughter it.
Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works. “But I keep losing my Focus!”
But to me, March 14th will always be cake day.
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have – about anything across the entirety of Space and Time. So of course the man said – "Was I right? Is the earth actually flat?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not". The man shook his head in disbelief, shaken to his very core, before murmuring "…this goes even higher than I thought…"
Laziness walks in my family.
Tonight I took my son to hockey practice and realized my wife forgot to pack his jersey from the dryer.
She told me she had everything, and I was in a rush. So it got left behind. Figured it out right away as we were getting him changed and messaged my wife. She said she would bring it right away. I told my son "You mom is going to run your jersey over" Without skipping a beat, he replied "Well that won't work, practice will probably be over. I wish she would just drive it over" Then he gave me a huge grin. I told him he won the dad joke of the day and he continued smiling all the way until bedtime.
Homework time.. complaining, I don’t wanna, etc. Me: Nicky, I’m getting upset. Nicky: Well, hello, Getting Upset, I’m Nicky. Then he dabbed and walked away. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this.
I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she’s sleeping ..
…and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects
Worst way to check your balance. crickets
As he turned and sneered at me, I thought, "that's a little condescending."
She said, “Thanks dad, that means a great deal.”
Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
It's sweeping the nation
My response; "guess it didn't work out."
He was a herbefor
There was nothing left but de Brie.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
A new Army Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. "Well, sir," was the nervous reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have …m-m-m…. urges. That's why we have the camel, sir." The Captain said, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain started having a real problem with his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asked the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stood on it, pulled down his pants, and had wild, insane sex with the camel. When he was done, he asked the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "Uh, no sir," the First Sergeant replied. "They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."
Somehow the bastard found out and killed my dad.
That I revealed cheat notes from a calculus test from 1972
She was definitely checking me out.
It would be appropriate to serve meals to them as "Can-a-bull."
when it becomes apparent.
I gave it a lot of shit this morning (Long time stalker, heres my first dad joke!)
Officer: It was a moving violation
All I keep getting are scientific articles.
Germany. I'm no dad but I'll get myself into shape for when the time comes .
They’re too easy a target, and aimed at a very young audience..