In the boomer world, even the fish have Squidward noses
Because he was in a cent. I know it’s stupid but c’mon
The people in Dubai don't like The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi dooooo!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Ask them for their watergraph.
So when they dock they can Scandinavian
that you misread the first line of this joke
Because they might be trying to catch a pikachu.
You should of seen the look on her face as i drove pasta
Hey babe are you a mechanical hard drive because you have an average response time of 2 years.
A retail store.
It’s the Wurst Käse scenario.
A garbage truck.
because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
I was walking through a graveyard earlier today when I saw a guy squatted behind a tombstone. I said “morning!”
He replied “no, just taking a shit”
He nuts and bolts.
I've said it before.
Me: Can I play piano? Doctor: Yes you can. Me: Wow! Thanks! I never could before.
After a long while they encounter a huge wall. They try to go around it, over it, but the wall is too high and too long. Out of nowhere, a genie appears. The genie sais: "You must all tell a lie in order to break this wall. The greater the lie, the greater the damage. But beware, each one of you only has one try." The men sink into deep thinking state. After hours of thinking, the Englishman begins: "Us, the english gentlemen, never drink tea with milk." The wall cracks. The American adds: "Us, the american gentlemen never smoke stogies after a hard day of work." Again, the wall cracks. Now all left up to the Scotsman, he takes a deep breath and starts: "Us, the scottish gentlemen-" The wall shatters.
The Second-Hand Store.
Followed by Batman.
They both get accepted to heaven. However, they ask St. Peter if they could get married in heaven, as they were already planning their wedding. "Look. Usually, we do not do that here. But since you had a wedding planned already on Earth, I think you could be an exception. But I should let you know, it will take a really long time to sort everything out. Maybe even years." says St. Peter. They do not mind. After five years, they suddenly see St. Peter running towards them, shouting happily from distance: "Everything is sorted out! You two can now marry each other!" They have the wedding, but after some time, the love begins to fade and they realise they are no longer right for each other, so they ask the St. Peter if it is possible to get a divorce in heaven. Peter looks at them and says: "It took FIVE YEARS until even one priest got here. How long do you think you will have to wait for a lawyer?" If this joke has been posted before, sorry.
They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was… At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him… after all, there wasn't anybody else in the island… He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make her life easier… it was the most effort any man had ever done for her, and all the hard work made him fit, she noticed this… One night after some wildlife attacked and he defended her successfully, getting a few cuts in the process, she threw herself at him and they made love, after that, they where for all intents and purposes a couple with an above regular sex life. But for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him. And she noticed… "What's wrong?" Scarlett Johansson asked, "Nothing…" the guy would say… She pestered him for a while eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him a lot, and even if he wasn't asking, she felt it was the least she owed it to him… "Really?, you'll do anything I'd like?" "yes" she said "anything!" "ok, first i want you to take off you toga and get into this pair of work jeans that somehow washed on the shore" "ok…" "now put this shirt on please, but first, "tape" your boobs so they are flat" "wha… ok, I'd say I'd do anything" she said lovingly. "ok, now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it" She was kinda confused, but non the less, she wanted to make him happy, so she tucked her hair under the hat. "Now id like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache" "ok… if this is what you want…" she muttered. "now, please, put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach I'll catch up to you in a bit", he said a bit excited… She started walking… wondering… doubting herself… just confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn't her, maybe it was h… suddenly the guy grabs her by her shoulder turns her around and says: "DUDE!!! you won't believe who I've been fucking for the past 6 months!"
That spoke volumes.
The defense lawyer, trying to discredit the lumberjack as a witness, asked him: "Is it true you were working at night? How can you be sure that it was a pine tree that fell on the victim?" The lumberjack replied confidently: "I know what I saw."
You might be dyslexic
"Hello yes my Wife is going into labour!" "Is this her first child?" "No this is her husband"
Incase they have to Draw blood.
I like to remind her that most lottery winners blow their winnings.
She got so mad and said she is never playing Scrabble with me again!
Because they can't even.