In Venice the pollution has reduced so much that even Louis Vuitton bags are starting to swim again
I'm not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin.
When the punchline become apparent.
I have selfish steam issues.
Because of the greatest speech ever written, "Four score and seven ears ago…"
Wife- I’m pregnant Husband- Hi pregnant, I’m dad Wife- No, you’re not
I think it’s the Chopin board.
The ones that can count, and the ones that can't
Apparently 1080p wasn't the best answer.
They both liked what they saw and decided to go back to his place. One thing led to another, and soon they gravitated to the bedroom and proceeded to undress. The first thing he removed was his socks and shoes. She noted his feet were withered and crooked. When asked, he responded that when he was six, he contracted toe-lio. She looked at him confused. “You mean polio?” He shook his head and replied, “No…toe-lio.” He then took off his pants. His knees were knobby and gnarled. She asked him what was up with that. He told her, “When I was eight, I got the kneesles.” “You mean measles?” “No…kneesles.” Then he removed his underwear. She sighed… “Let me guess. When you were ten, you got small cocks?”
Cos it's a sin.
Guys a natural, comes out of nowhere.
But he came in fifth and won a toaster.
“How much to buy a singing ensemble!?” I asked the clerk. Puzzled, he questioned, “You mean a choir?”
“Fine, how much to acquire a singing ensemble!?”
The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that tiny hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to slip the dying worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "That's from Grandma."
They come with an Elon Musk.
My son wanted some girl advice, so I told him, “If you are intimidated by a date, remember one thing.”
They are just big raisins.
What do you call a crappy lawyer? An a-turd-ney
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…" Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
The nurse sits down at the bar and says, “I’ll have a Bloody Mary!” The doctor sits next to her and says, “Give me a rum and coke!” The anti-vaxxer does nothing. She collapsed and died from polio.
Me: I'm a Harp Host: Your costume's too small. Me: Are you calling me a Lyre?
(That’s it. That’s the joke)
But apparently back in England it's the end of May.
It has an ex-axis and a why-axis
Or should I spread them apart?
If you're one of those people, don't worry.
it's not hard…
It was the end of my Korea
It could be a lifesaver.
But it was the Romans who thought of adding women.
How in the world did I miss all the red flags?
What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous
It would de-feet the whole porpoise…