Insert laugh sound here
He didn’t stand a chance against all 5 of us
A ginger bread man. Just came up with this. Sorry for your eyes.
Most things escape baby goats.
I mean, it's not hard.
He said I have to start paying in advance
I don't know, it's not like I have 2020 vision!
I guess they drank the t
A mid-life crisis
if you guessed "heaven nun" or "Angel nun" you are wrong. The answer is "nun of the above" !
Doctor: You have a blind spot. Me: I need a second opinion, because I just don’t see it.
The doctor gave him a sample pot and said: "Take this and bring it back tomorrow with a sperm sample." The following day, the old man returned and gave the pot back to the doctor. It was empty as the day before. Confused, the doctor asked what happened. The old man explained: "You see, doc, this is how it went: first, I tried with my right hand and nothing. Then, I tried with my left hand, still nothing. So I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, with her left one, but nothing. Next she tried with her mouth – first with her teeth, then without them, and nothing. We even called our neighbor and she also tried. First with both hands, then with her armpit and lastly, squeezing it between her knees, but nothing." The doctor was shocked: "You asked your neighbor for help?!" "Yes, doc. But neither of us could open the damn pot."
I asked my friend the baker what is the key to being successful in the business and making good bread…
Never, EVER go back to those two places.
You will be mist
They ignore my existence unless they need something
Despite having a huge fan base.
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to “Please be gentle; I’m still a Virgin”.
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, husband no. 1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. "Husband no. 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me. "Husband no. 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. "Husband no. 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. "Husband no. 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method. "Husband no. 6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. "Husband no. 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it… "Husband no. 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it. "Husband no. 9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it. "Husband no. 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was lick it….. God I miss him. "But now that I've married you, I'm so excited". "Wonderful", said the husband, "but why? "You're with the "GOVERNMENT" – this time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed."
Doctor: I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus. Patient: I'm not into this astrology shit. Doctor: Me neither, my thermometer just broke.
They both have a great time.
Her: Wow! That’s impressive! Him: Thanks. Next up, Capricorns.
2020:stay away from positive people
If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats……..boy ant.
When I rubbed it a Genie popped out. Genie: You have released me from my prison, in return I shall grant you three wishes. Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way won't it? Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does. Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth. Genie: You son of a ……..
So they threw one into the sea and the whole boat became a cigarette lighter.
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She replied with "I don't know dad I'm stumped"
It’s pretty lit.
Together, we can stop this shit.
Great food but it has no atmosphere
The Doctors were trying to convince me, I'm actually a Swedish bloke who had forgotten his identity… But I wasn't Bjorn yesterday!
I told him by the time he got his license and was old enough to drive it, it would be a Sheeporghini
I'm losing sleep over it. On the plus side, it's only 3 more sleeps until Christmas