Instagram back at it again
They were talking about the bravery of their sailors. The Russian said, “I will demonstrate the bravery of our sailors.” He calls a sailor over and says, “Jump off the ship. Swim under it and climb back up”. The sailor promptly salutes and jumps off the flight deck, swims under the ship, climbs up the davits and stands in front of the admiral and salutes. The Russian says, “That gentlemen, is courage" The American says that's nothing. He calls over a PO and says, "I want you to jump off the bows. Swim under the ship to the stern and then return". The PO salutes jumps off the bow, swims to the stern and climbs back up to stand in front of the admiral and salutes. The American says, “That gentlemen, is courage" The British admiral says, “That's nothing. Sailor, come here!". The matelot comes to attention and salutes. The admiral says, “I want you to climb the highest mast on the carrier, jump off, swim under the boat from bow to stern and then from beam to beam then climb up the mast and do it again" The matelot looks at the admiral and says, “You can fuck right off". The admiral turns to the other two and says, “And that gentlemen, is courage"
The Canadian bartender says, "what's that about?" Man says, "yes."
She walked up to him and said this isn’t working out.
It comes with an Elon Musk.
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…is just a little pail in comparison.
The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS."
About the snake that fell down on a drum? Ba-dum tsss
You will get tired. And if you run behind a car, you will get exhausted.
Me: That’s ….sound advice.
It's child abuse to expose them to twice the amount of dad jokes
Me: That's a whisk I'm willing to take.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
58. Edit: I genuinely didn’t know this was a repost my dad told it to me and I thought it was worthy.
He said to his wife, "It is going to rain, my love." His wife asked how he knew this. He responded with: "Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
Dann kannst du ihn dir nur noch von der Ursula Leyen.
Einstein says,"Let's play a game. I will ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you will pay me only $5; but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500". The man agrees and the game proceeds. Einstein asks the first question, “What is the distance between the Earth and the Moon?” The man doesn't say a word. He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out $5. He then asks Einstein, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs, but comes down on 4?” Einstein thinks about it for a long time, but fails to answer the question. After almost an hour, he gives the man $500. An irritated Einstein then asks, “Well, so what goes up a hill on 3 legs and comes down on 4?”. The man reaches into his pocket and gives Einstein $5.
He didn’t peel too well
I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised I picked up a stranger and asked. “Thanks but why’d you pick me up? How do you know I’m not a serial killer?”
I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car would be astronomical.
Nothing, they were stuck up cunts
Coworker: "Yeah, of course I do." Me: "Well, how about getting laid more often."
They don't want to be spotted.
They’re hill areas
I would probably only drive it from time to time.
To get to the other slide.
Now, it makes all the cents in the world.
All the fans left
His name is Tim