Interesting question
I tried looking up synonyms of confusion.
But I came away with uncertainty and disorientation.
What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.
Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmation.
It was the least I could do for him.
What’s the best way to calm down a knife-wielding girlfriend?
Please answer quickly
A Jewish man on the subway is reading an Arab newspaper
A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached him. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?" Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"
A man is staying in a hotel.
He walks up to the front desk and says, “Sorry, I forgot what room I’m in, can you help me?” The receptionist replies, “No problem, sir. This is the lobby.”
If your phone auto corrects “fuck” to “duck,” it’s okay to keep it
It’s still fowl language
Having student loans is like being in a shitty marriage.
They fuck you once a month for 25 years, they make you feel guilty about every dollar you spend, and you spend an unhealthy amount of time wondering if you could fake your death to get out of the whole arrangement.
What do you call a state when it gets married?
Missus-sippi. (buh-dum, tss)
Having gay parents must be really difficult.
Either twice the Dad jokes or an infinite loop of “Go ask your mom”.
What kind of bird doesn’t have babies
A swallow
TIL Humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I ordered a chicken and an egg on amazon.
I will let you know.
What do you call a 3.14m long snake?
A πthon.
I need to get a new chess set because all my pawns are damaged and sticky.
I should have never left them in the same box as the bishops.
The car dealership in my town just doubled its size.
It can offer a whole lot more.
At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer.
Tiger is a bit skeptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything. "When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim." Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they play a round. When Tiger agrees, Stevie asks, "How about if we play for $10,000 a hole?" Tiger insists he couldn't possibly play him for money because of his sight handicap. But Stevie argues and badgers Tiger until Tiger finally relents. Stevie says, "You pick the place and I'll pick the time?" Tiger says, "Fine. Pebble Beach." Stevie replies, "Midnight!"
What’s the difference between a camera and a sock?
One takes photos, the other takes five toes!
This one is a little bit political,I hope that doesn’t break any rules
Taiwan:I am China China:No I am China Taiwan:Ok then I am Taiwan China:No you are China
Who can drink 2 liters of gasoline
Jerry can
Hey, is your refrigerator running?
Good. I'd vote for it over Trump or Biden any day.
Walking through the mall with my 9 yr old and a kiosk saleswoman waves a sample of lotion and asks ‘A gift for your daughter?’
I said 'No, thank you' and then looked down at my daughter and said 'Can you believe she thought I'd trade you away for just a tiny bit of lotion? I'd need a whole bottle, at least!' She thought that was pretty funny.
Ever hear the one about the 3 holes in the ground?
Well Well Well
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar
and ordered a drink. “Its a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff,” said the bartender. “Just call me Hoff,” the actor replied. “Sure,” the bartender said, “no hassle.”
I thought it was a booger
But it snot.
A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed. "Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!" After a moment of silence, he farted.
What did they call the race car driver who won with a hen strapped to the hood of his car?
Number One with a Pullet.
A man with 12 kids visits his Dr., asking for advice on how to prevent future pregnancies…
“Have you tried condoms?” Asks the Dr. “I did, and it resulted in 3 kids!” said the man. “Have you tried birth control?” “I did! And it resulted in another 3 kids!” “Have you tried IUD (intrauterine implants)?” “I did! And it resulted in 3 kids!” Confounded, the Dr. says bluntly, “well, have you tried not sleeping with your wife?” “I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!!”
Roommate: If you keep stealing all my kitchen utensils than I’m moving out!
Me: That's a whisk I'm willing to take.
A century ago, two brothers claimed it was possible to fly
They were Wright
My happiness quickly turned to disappointment when I found all the comic books I ordered were missing the last page…
So now I have to draw my own conclusions…
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him
Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
Did you know crocodiles could grow up to 15 feet?
But most just have 4.
Shout Out To My Grandpa
Because Thats The Only Way He Can Hear Me
What is Yoda’s last name?
Layheehoo!