I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer
The bartender notices him, and decides to ask about his injuries. "So…" he starts off, "How'd you get that peg leg?" "A shark bit off me leg." "And the hook?" "An enemy pirate cut off me hand." The bartender gasps, fascinated by the pirate's stories. "What about the eyepatch?" "A seagull pooped in me eye." "A seagull caused that? How?" The bartender questioned. "Well, 'twas me first day with the hook…"
I'd have 83 cents
"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
I still fell for it.
Me: A blowjob Gf: Me: Gf: Waitress: I'll give you two a couple more minutes.
I guess they’re aimed at a younger audience….
C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?
I walked in and caught her masturbating. She called me a sick pervert. There's no justice in this world.
He uses them to trim his mustache.
An octopus with 1 extra heart. (It’s a learning joke 😁)
Add btomine to uranium and hydrogen to get Br2UH ITS BRUH CHEMICAL
If I’m being objective, it is Dr. Whom.
The first little old lady… Had a stroke The second little old lady… Had a stroke But the third little old lady's arms weren't long enough to reach.
Because they make the toys.
When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight that she couldn’t get her foot high enough to reach the step. Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn’t reach the step. So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn’t reach the step. So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, “How dare you touch my body that way; I don’t even know you!” Shocked, the man says, “Well, ma’am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kind of figured that we were friends.”
Yes, we arson.
Dad: In the US Son: Which part? Dad: What "which part", my whole body was born in the US
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You can only ran through a campground, because it's past tents.
It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
I wish tinder had it too.
…but all the seats were already taken.
I wonder what kind of birds they will grow into.
… you can actually hear them say "what the fuck are you doing?"
someone had written the word “penis” in tiny letters. She turned around, but couldn’t find the guilty face. She quickly erased it and began her class. Tuesday, she was again greeted with “penis” on the blackboard, written in larger letters. She looked around in vain for the culprit, and then proceeded with the day’s lesson. Every morning for the rest of the week, “penis” was written on the board in larger and larger letters, and each time, the teacher furiously erased it. By Friday, she’d had enough. “That’s enough,” she sputtered. “I — I can’t believe this! Monday morning, I expect an explanation for this behavior!” On Monday morning, the teacher confidently entered the classroom and found on the board: “Don’t you know — the more you rub it, the bigger it gets?”
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Serve laxatives at a party and everybody loses their shit
Those jokes are a decade old now!
Because Putin is not a woman.
I call it James.
Threw the blue shell in Mario Kart while I was already in first place to remember what it's like to get hit from behind.
It was a risk I was willing to take.