IR-spectra aren’t completly useless tho
What’s the difference between USA and USB?
One connects to your devices and accesses your data and the other is a hardware standard.
Lawyer joke from my 8 year old
What do you call a crappy lawyer? An a-turd-ney
My grief counselor died today.
Luckily for me he was so good, I didn't give a shit.
I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words
She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect. Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.
Have you ever noticed that Hasbro has cornered the entire board game industry?
I guess you can say they own a monopoly.
Why do pirates love reddit?
It be the best place to exchange stolen content for gold.
When Unity’s loading screen finally coincides with your feelings about your project.
https://ift.tt/2u4Mi83
A priest, an alcoholic, and a child molester walk into a bar…
And that's just the first guy.
I am a little confused about why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday
I don't know what to make of it
Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar…
and are followed by 'Batman!'
My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day
Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts – Made in China."
Two guys are changing in a locker room, one is putting on lace knickers
"Since when do you wear womens pants?" "Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"
What do u call a tower of pizza boxes?
The leaning tower of pisa
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion
No text found
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?
A guy went to a Halloween party wearing regular clothes with his girlfriend sitting on his shoulder…..
…the host said where's your costume? The guy said I'm wearing a costume – I'm a snail. The host said you're a snail? The guy said yes, a snail, and pointed to his girlfriend and said this is Michelle.
Have you ever tried eating a clock?
It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
If you drive a Tesla, but it gets stolen…
…does that make it an Edison?
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camo jacket.
You can hide but you cant run
Why do pirates love reddit?
It be the best place to exchange stolen content for gold.
A man in court says, “I’m not saying anything without my lawyer present.”
Cop: "But you are the lawyer…" Lawyer: "Exactly, So where's my present?"
Why don’t birds recognize each other?
They are in da skies.
A mom decides to clean her sons room.
Under his bed she finds a large collection of BDSM porn. Disturbed and not sure what to do she goes to her husband. "What should we do about this?" she asks. He replied, "Well we sure as hell can't spank him!"
Three vampires walk into a bar.
The first vampire says to the bartender, “I’ll have a pint of blood.” The second one says “I’ll have a pint of blood also.” The third vampire says to the bartender, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.” The bartender says, “So, that will be two bloods and a blood lite?”
I just watched a movie about graphs, and it was really disappointing.
The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.
My wife screamed in pain during labour
I asked, “What’s wrong?”. She screamed. “These contractions are killing me!!” “I am sorry, honey.” I replied. “What is wrong?”
Hey /r/CleanJokes, police related jokes just aren’t funny!!
So give it arrest…
How does NASA organize a party?
They Planet.
I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and thought
Wow this is ledge ‘n dairy
How do you stop an argument between 2 deaf people?
Turn off the lights.
