Ironic
My daughter was trying to convince me that the dress she was going out in wasn’t slutty,
but I saw right through it.
Me after finishing an introductory lesson on HTML pretending to understand the posts here
https://ift.tt/33XO0oi
I never believed my friend would steal from his job as a road worker
but then I started to see the signs
What’s the difference between Bill Clinton’s VP in makeup versus out of makeup?
One's gorgeous, the other's just Gore.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye matey! Courtesy of a 7 year old in my class.
I was thinking of a joke about Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the hill, but then it lost momentum.
But it still has potential.
My wife left me because I’m too insecure
No wait, she’s back She just went to make a cup of coffee
Having gay parents must be terrible
Either you have twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an endless loop of "go ask your mother"
If you boil a funny bone what does it become?
A laughing stock!
Instructions on how to cure asthma, arthritis, ulcer, handicap, cancer with ultrasound
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4dwdjBJdW0
Knock knock
Knock Knock Whose there? Grandad QUICK, STOP THE CREMATION!
My chemistry teacher asked me what’s an acid + base.
A good party wasn't the correct answer, apparently.
All the animals came to the Ark together. Even the insects came in pairs.
Except the worms, they came in apples.
What starts with 0 and end with 0?
My bank account.
Next time your wife is angry, give her a towel as cape.
Then say : now you are super angry! She might laugh.. you might die.
I’d make a Sodium joke but……Na
No text found
Why don’t you breed an eel with an eagle?
It’s Eeleagle
What do you call it when it’s raining turkeys?
Fowl weather.
Well… Well… Well…
If it isn't 3 holes in the ground…
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
It's Einstein's turn. He counts till ten and opens up his eyes. Pascal is nowhere to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein with a chalk in his hand. He's sitting on a box he's drawn, one metre a side. Einstein: Newton you're terrible, I can see you! Newton: No No Einy, you've found one Newton per square metre. You've found Pascal!
What sneakers to pedophiles wear?
White Vans
What Donald Ducks drug of choice?
Quack cocain
It’s possibly not safe to drive my car right now.
But hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.
