Is it ignorance or apathy that’s destroying the world today? I don’t know and don’t really care – randompun.com 😂😂😂😂
Police: "hi you're the first people today with their seatbelts on, so we want to give you an award of 5000 dollar." The policeman seeing the happy couple gets curious and asks "what are you going to do with the money?" The man answers: "I'm going to take lessons for my driver's license" The woman: " don't listen to him. When he is drunk he says stupid things!" The man on the backseat: "I told you not to ride in a stolen car!" A voice from the trunk: "did we cross the border?"
A humble bee
I said, “Just because you’re unwilling to try new things, doesn’t mean everyone’s that frigid.” “Not that,” she explained, “It’s just the plumbers that come to our house have tiny cocks.”
The husband replies reassuringly "yes you are honey" — to which his wife embraces him comfortably …the husband continues on to say "the rest have been 8's, 9's, and even some 10's!" Edit: why was this marked as wholesome LOL
I think it was filmed in a movie theater, though – I see a little silhouetto of a man.
A gillie suit.
He fixed it and said, “Beep repaired”
2B or not 2B
a cold shoulder
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm
The Golf of Mexico
It was a flop, nobody came.
“You’re coming home now!” she screamed. “No, I’m not,” I laughed. She said, “I’m talking to the kids.”
Me: That's a whisk I'm willing to take.
So you can Scandinavian.
He'll be the first mumble rapper to finish his sentence
So far I've got 12 fridges
Then say : now you are super angry! She might laugh.. you might die.
Homework time.. complaining, I don’t wanna, etc. Me: Nicky, I’m getting upset. Nicky: Well, hello, Getting Upset, I’m Nicky. Then he dabbed and walked away. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this.
He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
1. 2. 3.
To cover their butt quacks.
Because then it's a pair-a-dice
Apparently that’s not how you grade exams.
You can mess up just two letters and your whole post is urined
And a life time ban from the Central Park Zoo
A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly!" said the young engineer. He turned on the machine, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one more copy."
PRODUCER: You mean a choir? “Fine, how much to acquire a singing ensemble?”