Is this boomer humor?
What did the grape say when it got crushed?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
During a war, Communists are Russian
The Japanese are just loli-gagging.
Did you hear about the two criminals who stole a calendar?
They both got 6 months. P.S this is my first ever post! Please be nive
A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I fancied taking part in a marathon.
I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties. I thought, fuck me, I might win this
A man in an interrogation room says “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”
Cop: You are the lawyer. Lawyer: Exactly, so where’s my present?
Me: Did you know that abbreviating names might be sometimes confusing?
GF: Really? Me: Yes. George Foreman: How so?
Why is the horse so happy?
Because he lives in a stable environment.
I’ve never gone to a gun range before.
I decided to give it a shot.
Coworker dressed as Chewbacca: “This costume is too hot to work in, I’ll never do that again”
Its ok it was a wookie mistake
My mate has a fear of over-engineered buildings. He has a complex complex complex
He went to the psychiatrist and he discovered it was more than just a fear. He has a complex complex complex complex The Doctor sent him to a specialised centre.. It was the complex complex complex complex complex. Unfortunately, it was an over-engineered building. Yes, it was a complex complex complex complex complex complex.
Did I tell you about the girl who only eats plants?
You've probably never heard of herbivore
Seven has “even” in it.
That's odd.
A book fell on my head
I've only got myshelf to blame….
Joke
Job interviewer: “And where would you see yourself in five years’ time, Bob?" Bob: "Personally I believe my biggest weakness is in listening."
What sort of lights to Noah use on the Ark?
Flood lights
A little known fact…
Before the invention of the crowbar, crows had to do their drinking at home
Someone Stole My Anti-Depressants
Someone Stole My Anti-Depressants
Why are there a ton of Religious Holidays but no Science Holidays?
Because science works.
What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad.
Once i told a hammer joke
I nailed it.
All countries eventually got coronavirus
But China got it right off the bat.
/u/username goes to get his weekly groceries.
Username checks out.
Why can you get arrested if you tell Optimus Prime a joke?
Vehicular man’s laughter.
I’ve dedicated my whole life to finding a cure for insomnia.
I won’t rest until I find it.
My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it’s literally just cheese with bacteria.
I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.
What do you call a sunburnt Irishman?
A baked potato.
I’ve been having the most difficult time figuring out what audio system to put in my car.
I hate making decisions based on stereotypes.
Whatever you do, don’t let anybody walk over you.
Especially if you go to a party dressed as a land mine.
A farmer saw a plane full of politicians crash near his farm.
When emergency services arrived, they asked the farmer what happened? FARMER: They crashed near my farm and I buried all of them. One of the firemen asked with shock; "are you sure they were all dead"? FARMER: Some of them were screaming, "we are still alive". But I couldn't believe them. You know, these politicians. They can lie.
I just found a dead body in the street
So I took it home and put it on the cat's pillow See how she fucking likes it !
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat?
A lifetime ban from the petting zoo.