is this comedy?
I said no. I can't deal with a high maintenance woman.
A sigh borg!
There's no f in whey
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows: Hamburger – 2.99 Cheeseburger – 3.99 Chicken Sandwich – 4.99 Hand Jobs – 19.99 The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger
Now I have stable wifi.
Anti-vaxxer says to the engineer: Is it safe to cross the bridge? Engineer: It is 99,97% safe to cross that bridge. Anti-vaxxer: I'd rather swim.
A young woman was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-" so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he yelled a final "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!" and rode off. "Why was that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "I don't know. I just rode behind him on the horse with my arms around his waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered. "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
Therapist: Why ? Patient: Yes!
My bosses tie
Baa dum hiss
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away. One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
You don’t know what you’re missing!
Doc: "Are you sure?" Me: "…I'm Definite."
TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year’s Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.
Like fucking the president. -Jeff Ross
You need to tell it to a redditor multiple times for them to get it.
Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
I recently overheard two chess enthusiasts in a hotel lobby. They were bragging about their previous victories
They were chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
He fixed it and said, “Beep repaired”
Tomorrow will be Revenge of the 5th
She walked up to him and said this isn’t working out.
Since then, grandpa has been kicking puppies and setting fire to orphanages.
She just bought me a $500,000 life insurance policy and a free all-inclusive trip to the Dominican Republic!
Worst virus my college servers has every been exposed to. When you been an online college student and now all these other students are taking online classes and the college servers can not handle this coronavirus
-Which one of you fucked my wife??!! Some guy in the crowd says: – you should bring more bullets
Because they couldn't let it go
The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up