is this even
If I’m being subjective, the greatest sci-fi show of all time is Dr. Who.
If I’m being objective, it is Dr. Whom.
What’s the best Christmas present you could possibly get?
A broken drum… you can’t beat it
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Three conspiracy theorists walk in to a bar…
You can’t tell me that’s just a coincidence
A guitarist goes to prison
In the cafeteria, everyone is telling stories on why they’re here One man explains how he got caught robbing a bank Another tells the story of him getting busted selling drugs Another says how he killed someone Then they all ask the guitarist why he’s in here He replied: I fingered the wrong minor
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
An Irrelephant.
I keep telling myself to quit drugs
Like I'm going to listen to a drug addict
I accidentally lost my sex toy the other day.
It was a real pain in the ass finding it.
There are 10 kinds of people…
Those who understand binary and those who don't.
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the “Chicken Surprise”.
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. "Please sir," says the waiter, "what did you order?" The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise…" "Ah! So sorry everyone," says the waiter, "I brought you Peeking Duck."
A homosexual, a con artist and a child molester walk into a bar.
"What can I get you, father," asks the bartender.
A bear walks into a bar…
The bear says: “I’d like a whiskey and……………………….coke please. Bartender says: “Why the big pause?” Bear replies: “I was born with them.” Edit: Thanks for the upvotes! I actually lived this joke right before posting while making dinner for my kids (changed the drink and location). Here’s how it happened: 2yo Child, While holding her bear: Um, daddy?Can I have…………………………..milk pwease? Me: Sure sweetie, but why the big pause?! Only I laughed…my ass off. Guess I’ll just, grin and bear all the repost comments.
Why don’t ghosts like rain on halloween?
It dampens theirs spirits.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.
How can you tell if an ant is a girl or a boy?
They're all girls, otherwise they'd be uncles.
A man walks into a bar
As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender “what’s with the meat?” The bartender says, “If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else’s drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?” The man takes another look at the meat, then says, “I think I’ll pass. The steaks are too high.”
What do you call a teacher, who retired?
A Taughter.
What does every racist joke start with?
A look over the shoulder.
Teacher: I’m your son’s teacher and I’m calling to tell you that he may be a compulsive liar.
Woman: And a damn good one. I don’t have any sons.
I went to the shop and bought a thesaurus but when I got home, when I opened it, all the pages were blank.
I had no words to describe how angry I was.
There’s no way video games cause violence.
If they did, school shootings would involve a LOT more tea bagging.
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Cause then it would be a foot….
Today, my son asked “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears…
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
My daughter FINALLY got an ‘A’ on her essay!!
Only 1,999 more words to go!!
porno_collection.zip
* sigh * unzips
![Dunno if this works but [everyone liked that]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/gjrojo93dce41-400x497.png)
Did you hear about the farmer that won a Nobel Prize?
He was out standing in his field.
You know what is really odd?
Numbers not divisible by 2
After a long argument with my boss, I quit my job at the helium factory.
I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
So I was out at the museum with my daughter today and got the ultimate dad joke in. Employee asks kids “Does anyone know the difference between a Crocodile and an Alligator?”
One will see you later and the other will see you in a while? Daughter groaned, employee laughed, other dad's nodded approvingly.
My sewing instructor tells me that I am the worst student she has ever seen.
Shit….wrong thread.
My mom turned 45 last week. So during an argument, I would tell her
"Well, you're half right."
The first Karen to get covid was….
Impatient zero.
you don’t grate cheese here… you shReddit
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TIL: If you sit on your hand until you can’t feel it anymore
and log in to your online banking system. It feels like someone else is paying your bills.
