Is this punny? There were a few funny bits in this instruction manual.
Why aren’t school shooting jokes funny?
They’re too easy a target, and aimed at a very young audience..
A teenage boy and a teenage girl are in a relationship, and it was going rather smoothly. . .
. . . The girl asked eventually told the boy that if he would come over for dinner, meet her parents, and make a good impression, that she would reward him by making whoopee with him. He was pretty excited for the first time, so, being a responsible young man, he immediately went down to his local pharmacy to buy some condoms. But, since it was his first time, he didn't know what kind to buy, so he asked the pharmacist for help. The pharmacist spent a good hour discussing the different types of condoms, what they do, etc. He then asked the boy what his choice was. To which the boy responded, "Well, since it's my first time, I'm try the family pack." The pharmacist rang it up for him, and the boy left, excited. Finally, the big night arrived. The boy was very nervous, but he was determined to make a good impression on the girl's parents. Everyone sat down for dinner, and the mother said, "Let us bow our heads and thank the good Lord for this meal." Everyone bowed their heads and said grace. When they were finished, everyone looked up . . . except the boy. He continued to bow his head and mumble in prayer. After a solid twenty minutes, the girl tapped him on the leg and whispered, "I never knew you were so religious." The boy whispered back, "I never knew your father was a pharmacist!"
Jane was waiting for Sam to return from an outing with his boss. Around 6:30 p.m., she began to worry.
Sam finally stumbled in around 8pm, and looked exhausted and worn out. "What happened? You were supposed to be here 3 hours ago. You look horrible!" Sam caught his breath and collapsed on his couch. "We were playing golf… we got to the third hole, and the boss had a heart attack and died on the spot." Jane gasped. "Oh my God- that must have been horrible!" "Tell me about it," replied Sam. "For 15 more holes, it was hit the ball, drag the boss, hit the ball, drag the boss…"
Halfway thru this sprint and team finds out last epic’s output ain’t functioning
https://ift.tt/2K4tudp
A dog gets lost into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution “this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before”.
So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace.The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "mmm…that was some good lion meat!". The lion abruptly stops and says "woah!This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can". Over by the tree top,a monkey witnessed everything.Evidently,the monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily"get on my back,we'll get him together". So they start rushing back to the dog.The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts "where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago… "
A four-foot-tall fourtuneteller escaped from prison.
He was a small medium at large.
It is a poor musician that blames his in cement…
*instrument. … darn autocorrect just screwed up my post.
The man next to me on this rollercoaster won’t stop screaming.
Its like he's never seen a penis before.
What’s the worst thing about ancient history class?
The teachers tend to Babylon.
A professional limbo player walks into a bar,
He was disqualified
Was walking down the street yesterday, seen an ad in the shop window. “T.V FOR SALE, €1, VOLUME STUCK ON FULL”
I said, can't turn that down.
Marathon runner ran 26.3 miles to spell out “BOSTON STROG” in her fitness app
https://ift.tt/2VtzPWC
I heard a rumor about butter. . .
But I don't want to spread it.
George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey got together to make a movie.
GC: I'll direct LD: I'll produce MM: I'll write, I'll write, I'll write
My son tried to change the time..
But not on my watch
Once I saw a kid getting bullied by 4 kids so I decided to step in
He didn’t stand a chance against all 5 of us
How many EA employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
[Unlock the punchline now for just 7.99!]
I was surprised when the coffee I ordered tasted just like mud.
The barista told me it was fresh ground.
Little Boy: Daddy I want to be like president Trump when i grow up!
Dad: "Well pick one son, you can't do both"
Daily US death toll like a new 9/11 every couple days now- How can anybody compete with that
https://ift.tt/2AgJ5oT
Why does a chicken coup have only 2 doors
If it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan. Ok, I'm leaving …..
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a quarter of a beer and so on and so forth. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, "You guys should know your limits."
My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be in August!” I said, “Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers…
It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she still won’t say where she got them…
As screenshot of a share of a photo of a computer with a bad joke on facebook
https://ift.tt/2MZuMbF
No interest
Sitting here staring at a post on one of the other pages on reddit for like 2mins, not realizing I was not paying attention nor i was actually reading the post because I was high on weed.
Wife hates husband, likes cat (sorry for the bad editing, had to translate improfessionally)
https://ift.tt/33B5PJY
What’s red and smells?
Rudolph's nose.
I may have gone overboard helping my 7th grade daughter with her science project video.
https://youtu.be/22ekP1YaHVg
Samuel Beckett turned down a lowball offer for one of his plays.
He was waiting for good dough.
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me, with tears in his eyes and said,
"Son, you know that one would have been enough."
I met my boyfriend while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform…
straightaway I knew he was a keeper