Is this sub still active?
There haven't been any posts all year!
australia squad
The wheel installer at the auto factory told me, “Man, I’m so tired.”
As a muffler specialist, I replied, "I'm the one that's really exhausted."
A married couple are lying in bed one night…
A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, she gets up and starts stripping in front of him. The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes"? His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay". The husband says, "No, not at all". His wife asks angrily, "Well, what the hell were you doing then"? I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.
As an immigration officer, I may not always agree with you.
But I can see where you are coming from.
Did you hear about the soldier that lost his legs?
They say he was defeated in battle
I hope Elon Musk never gets caught up in a scandal.
Elongate would really stretch on.
Science riddle (maybe)
So guys i received a riddle for my friend and 1 grand is on the line. Can you guys help me with it?”50+10+0+the middle of the sea+the middle of the sun”
Did you hear the one about the Mexican Magician? He announced to his audience: “For my final illusion, I will make myself vanish on the count of three…”
"… UNO! DOS!" *POOF* And he vanished without a Tres.
My friend refused to believe he was gay and a dyslexic.
He was in Daniel.
What do you call a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life?
Alien versus Redditor.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My nephew does well in marathons but poorly in the 100 yard dash…
He's better off in the long run.
There is this rumor about Apple buying off Reddit.
It's not me, iReddit somewhere.
What lies on its back 100 ft in the air?
A centipede
Wise old saying
Before your criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.
What is the least spoken language in the world?
Sign language
William Shatner has discontinued his new line of lingerie.
Apparently, Shatner panties wasn’t the best choice for a name.
How heavy is a red hot chili pepper
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!
My dog ate my computer science homework
It took him a couple of bytes
You can’t breathe through your nose when you’re smiling
Of course you can, I just wanted you to smile
When I die, I hope to go quietly in my sleep. Like my grandfather. …
… Not on fire and screaming like everyone else on the bus he was driving.
Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmation.
It was the least I could do for him.
God: “I didn’t say trumpets would signal the end of the world.”
"I said Trump/Pence."
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, “Master, why does my ability not improve? I’m always defeated.” And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers…
"My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?" "Yes, my master, I have." "And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?" "Yes, my master, I have witnessed it." "And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?" "Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon." "That is the problem. You keep watching all this stuff instead of training."
I was in a band during the 80s called The Prevention
We were better than The Cure.
NBC is developing a new realistic docudrama about Abraham Lincoln.
The finale will be shot before a live audience.
A slice of apple pie is $2.00 in Jamaica, and $2.50 in the Bahamas.
These are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.
Two scientists walk into a bar.
"I'll have H2O," says the first. "I'll have H2O, too," says the second. The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.
What washes up on tiny beaches?
Microwaves!
As a doctor, I am addicted to hitting my patients on their knees to test their reflexes.
I really get a kick out of it.
I don’t tell dad jokes often
but when I do, he laughs
I just got fired from my job as a taxi driver…
Turns out people don’t like it when you go the extra mile for them.
What’s the time?
11:34 right now
My wife was in labour and started shouting “Wouldn’t, couldn’t, shouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!”
"Don't worry" said the midwife "they're just contractions"
Why was the baker’s assistant fired?
He was loafing around.
When I turned into a teenager, my dad repeatedly emphasized the importance of using a condom whenever I have sex.
He said, “Anyone who would sleep with you would sleep with almost anyone else.”
