It absolutely is
Why dont chickens insult each other?
They dont like getting roasted
The average person has sex 89 times a year.
This is going to be one hell of a week.
Why can you get arrested if you tell Optimus Prime a joke?
Vehicular man’s laughter.
Why did the cowboy get a weiner dog?
Because he was told to get a long little doggie.
♫SOAP♫SOAP♫SOAP♫SOAP♫SOAP♫SOAP♫SOAP♫SOAP♫
I just sang about eight bars.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
"Do you smell carrots?"
I’ve discovered the optimal way to survive the great 2020 toilet paper pandemic
Just stop giving a shit
Why is every gender equality officer female?
Because it’s cheaper…
Hey, did you hear the one about butter?
… nah, I shouldn’t spread it around
I don’t understand Joaquin Phoenix
If Phoenixes can fly why is he Joaquin?
My daughter came home from school screaming at me
"I’ve just had sex education in school today, Dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before marriage, my boyfriend will die!" I put down my paper: ‘Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.’ ”
My twin brother and I finally got a barber appointment and decided to shave off our Corona Beards.
He chose the electric clippers, but I got the straight blade. Despite being twins, we were razed differently.
Where did Noah put the bees?
In the Ark hives.
For those with poor vision. The good news is that in less than 12 hours…
You’ll all be seeing 2020
I think I will start telling my friends about eating dried grapes
It's all about raisin awareness
I went to Legoland last week
People were lined up for blocks
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in…
It’s currently half empty…
There was company that sold sex toys to aliens.
It was SpaceXXX.
Vladimir Putin was practicing a eulogy speech for an assassinated Russian politician in front of a mirror…
(ahem!) "He was a dear patriot and credit to the Motherland, whom I personally adored as a friend and colleague. I vow, as leader of Russia, to find the culprits responsible for this vicious murder…" Putin then stopped and turned to his aide. "Are you sure this strikes the right tone, Yuri? I mean, in terms of timing? I've been a bit preoccupied, so remind me, when was he killed?" After a few moments consulting his ipad, the aide replies, "Next week, sir."
NSFW Why are camels called the ship of the desert?
Because they’re full of Arab semen.
What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
Did you know?
When a short person waves at you, it's called a microwave
I was watching a porno the other day and it was just a guy crying and wanking
Then I realized I hadn't turned the TV on.
A prosthetics company was going out of business.
It was on its last legs.
A black hole walks into a bar
A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks if it would like food with that. The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."
My wife showed me a meme post on Instagram
I told her I already Reddit.
