It ain’t much but its honest work
Another great thing ruined by a period.
A Tropical Depression
I lost My Chemical Romance
The officer asks the lawyer "Do you know why I pulled you over?" "I haven't the foggiest idea," said the lawyer. The officer replied, "You didn't make a full stop at the stop sign back there. You only slowed down." The lawyer thinks for a few seconds then says, "If you can prove to me the difference between stopping and slowing down, I'll take full responsibility. Otherwise, you let me off with a warning. Sound fair?" The officer ponders it shortly before nodding his head. "Sounds fair. Can you step out of the car please?" Just as the lawyer steps out and shuts the car door, the officer pulls out his baton and starts beating the lawyer. After a few swings, the officer says, "Now, would you like me to stop or slow down?"
"Why can't I just have something normal for dinner?" he pleaded
He was attacked by a giant crab
Tell him Obama put it in.
I said, “No. I used to, but we broke up, remember?”
As she's serving his breakfast, he grabs her breast and tells her "if these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows". Visibly upset, she continues cooking. A moment later he grabs his wife's crotch and tells her "if this could lay eggs, we could get rid of the chickens". As the wife sits down to eat, she grabs the farmer's crotch and tells him "if this could get hard, we could get rid of your brother".
A bad marksman shoots, but can't hit. A constipated owl hoots, but can't shit.
The bartender asks "Is this a joke?"
7 up in cider.
I never met herbivore.
The one whose sack reads "Idaho"
Got the cold shoulder 🙁
I think it was filmed in a movie theater, though – I see a little silhouetto of a man.
A man wants to enter a club he’s visiting in cuba, but there’s a tough looking bouncer that won’t let anyone in.
A cuban man with a large beard walks up to the bouncer, strokes his beard and says… "I'm with the police." The bouncer lets him in. Less than a minute later, another cuban man with a large beard walks up to the bouncer, strokes his beard and says, "I'm with the police." The bouncer lets him in. The man who wants to enter, having no beard eventually walks up to the bouncer and says, "I'm with the police." Raising an eyebrow, the bouncer asks where his beard is. Pulling down his pants, the man replies with, "I'm undercover." The bouncer lets him in.
Because freedom rings
So when they dock they can Scandinavian
and that's where I come in.
I told him it’s between 8am and 1pm
You cut the ends and now you have endless bread. Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter.
He took me to the edge of our rather large property, He shot one tree, then another, then another, with very impressive aim. "Alright son, you're up!" I aimed at a tree that hadn't been shot yet "No son! Not that one!" "Why not?" "Because that's not archery!" So I shot one of the others "Was that alright?" "That's fine, that's archery."
I am not poking fun at anyone for being lower income, you can tell by the picture it’s a nice home. But in my search for a home I found this house and their master “bathroom” really sold me.https://imgur.com/j1345OnPlease post all potty IT jokes
Too much paperwork.
The American teenage girl gets stoned before sex.
My teacher always starts her class by reading one of the posts from r/jokes, but today she’s absent.
So instead, a subreddit.
Watson asks, "Where did you get so many lemons?" Holmes replies, "A lemon tree, Watson.."
It was a real slap in the faith