It be like that
You've seen the mall!
Sext her out of nowhere and then text back right away “sorry wrong person”
It becomes theiranium.
I go under cover.
Would you say it's heat proof, to a certain degree?
she kept you
Since then, grandpa has been kicking puppies and setting fire to orphanages.
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain…
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support…
The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.
He was beside himself
I said, "It's the amount of money I make."
He doesn’t want to be spotted
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”
“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
He said, "But son, it's the same film if you watch it here."
You bring out a monitor stand for $1000.
Not what you are thinking.
At first it’s boring, but later on, it’s riveting…
That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
The teachers tend to Babylon.
The bartender asks, “How did you do that?”.
But my mother told me that it wasn’t polished enough
A young man from Texas moves to California and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof" stores looking for a job. The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid said, "Sure, I was a salesman back home in San Antonio." The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up the boss came down to see how things went. "How many sales did you make today?" The young man replied without hesitating, "One." "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day! How much was the sale for?" "$101,237.64" "What the hell did you sell?!?" "First I sold him a bag of #8 fish hooks, then I sold him a bag of #1 fish hooks, then I sold him a set of lures. I then sold him a new fishing rod. After I asked where he was going fishing and he told me he was going to the coast, I told him he would be best off with a boat, so I brought him over to the sea craft department and sold him that 24' twin engine Yamaha. He was doubtful that his Silverado could manage it, so I took him down to automotive and got set him up with the 4×4 F350." "A guy came in here to buy some fish hooks and you sold him a boat and a truck?" "No sir, he came here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing!"
He kept getting high C's
Because they can’t have mussels.
I was having a bad day so I bought a bottle of vodka,gin and whisky and put them in an elevator and sent them to the top floor. Didn’t have a good reason,
Just needed something to lift my spirits
If it sinks, it’s a girl ant. If it floats, it’s buoyant.
One boy says to the other, “is this whiskey?” The other boy replies, “yes, but not as whiskey as wobbin a bank.”
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time…" A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit…"
Because you're a joke.