He had a sense of humour! Said his brother is Robin Yashed!
He had a sense of humour! Said his brother is Robin Yashed!
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time
Why was Pavlov’s beard so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For hispanic attacks.
How do you measure how heavy a red hot chilli is ?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
Why was the basketball court wet?
Everyone was dribbling on it.
Where do DJs get their information?
The wiki wiki
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
They lactose.
How did the cannabis propose?
Marriage you wanna?
I haven’t spoke to my wife in 7 years
I don't want to interrupt her
I’ve run out of toilet paper and started using old newspapers instead
The times are rough
My son wanted me to cosign on a loan for college…
I said, "what's your angle?"
Jeff, a semicolon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.
They both have a great time.
What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle??
A polar bear
A ship carrying blue paint collided with a ship carrying red paint.
Both crews have been marooned.
I’m never again donating money to anyone collecting for a marathon.
They just take the money and run.
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
An Irrelephant.
I was going to study Nietzsche’s philosophy.
Then I just thought, it's meaningless.
Hermione’s son: Mum, you’re a witch!
Hermione: Emma Watson?
Some people really like Orion’s Belt
But I think it's just a big waist of space. Edit: Sorry for the bad pun, but you gotta give it at least 3 stars.
Me- “Do you know in middle east most of married girls can’t even vote on Facebook opinion poll”.
Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east". Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".
How many cops does it take to push a black guy down the stairs?
None, he “fell”
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a beautiful blonde, and a comely brunette
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a beautiful blonde, and a comely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel. As the compartment is plunged into complete darkness for the Nth time a ringing slap is heard. The train passes back into daylight and the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek. The brunette thinks 'I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.' The blonde thinks 'I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the dowdy brunette for me and slapped the beast.' The Frenchman thinks 'I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.' The Englishman thinks 'I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again.'
Some of my friends have been making very hurtful remarks about my choosing to wear mittens rather than gloves…
…but I don't like to point fingers…
After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, “Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?” Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.
He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"
I hear it’s easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods
It's more difficult to deter gents though
Wanna hear the 3 main types of people?
The ones that can count 2. The ones that can’t count
How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb?
Who needs lightbulbs when you have eight candles?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" Just one guy stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray." "Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets – we're one short."
The opposite of Microsoft Office is…
Macrohard Onfire.
Why don’t blind people skydive?
It scares the shit out of their dogs.
Leather armor is perfect for sneaking
Its literally made of hide.