It got completely ruined because somebody thought that adding the image to the bottom was a good idea
So a doctor has sex with one of his patients…
And is feeling pretty down about it. On his left shoulder appears a devil. The devil consoles him saying "Hey man, don't even worry about it. Doctors have sex with their patients all the time. You are definitely not the only one." Then on his right shoulder appears an angel who says "Come on man! You're a vet!!"
How does Darth Vader like his steaks?
Well, done done done, done da done, done da done
iPhone 12 Trailer – 48 Cameras (Parody)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-1h1wU-ODM&ab_channel=DanielJacobsFilms
My wife thinks I don’t know how to say, “My” in Japanese…
…but really, watashi no?
I like to cook dangerously
I take whisks in the kitchen
“Orion’s belt is a big waist of space”
Terrible joke. Only 3 stars.
Three Old men reminiscing in a nursing home…….
……..complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old. The first old man said "I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble." The second old man said "I'd give anything to take a good shit like I did when I was young. Every morning I sit on the stool and strain and strain until I can finally get something out." The third old man said "Well, every morning at 5 I take me a really long piss. Then at 6 on the dot I take a really big shit." The other two old men look at him and say "So what the hell are you complaining about?" The third old man says "I don't wake up until 7".
I bet my farmer friend $100,000 I could get his cows hooked on weed
The steaks have never been higher
Sadly, I’ve lost 20% of my sight
Sigh…..
I just donated 100$ to a charity for blind children
But I doubt they'll ever see any of the money
A blonde and her boyfriend were going somewhere in a car.
While taking a left turn the boyfriend asks " Babe , can you check if the indicator is working. " The blonde look around and says " Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes…"
Finland has just closed their borders
No one will be crossing the finish line
I once walked in on my teachers having sex
Being homeschooled was never easy for me
If there’s one thing that makes me throw up.
It’s a dart board on a ceiling.
My wife is like a plunger.
She is very good in bringing up old shit.
I ordered 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup.
It weighed won ton.
A chemical warehouse was robbed at gunpoint, the assailants cleaned out all stores of substances with pH above 7.
"All your base are belong to us"
r/PoliticalHumor 2019 Best Of Awards!
It’s time for Reddit’s Best of 2019 Awards.What a year it’s been here in r/politicalhumor, thanks to everyone for participating.Make your nominations here and/or upvote your favorites.You are welcome to categorize your nominations, i.e:Best PostBest CommentBest of YearOnly one nomination per comment. Please do not nominate yourself. You may only nominate submissions made in 2019.This thread is set to contest mode which sorts comments randomly and hides vote scores. In January, the votes will be tallied and a results thread will be posted. We will give reddit gold to the top submissions!
Two termites walk into a bar and ask
Is the bar tender here?
What’s the easiest food to eat?
A piece of cake.
What’s a pirate’s favorite juice?
The Hi-C
Veteran retirement salary
3 US Veterans are sitting before their last medical check-up. The doctor walks out and says: we are going to take one measurement from your body and it will be your monthly payment for the retirement. all the veterans agree. The first says from my toes to my head, they take the measurement so doctor says okay its 6ft so we gonna pay you 6000$ a month The second puts his hand as high as he can, the doctor says okay its 6"2 so we gonna pay you 6200$ a month. The Third says I want it from the tip of my dick to my balls. the doctor confused says: Are you sure sir? 100 % he replies. take off his pants and the doctors starts and then asks, where are your balls sir ? he replies: they are In Vietnam son.
Why should you be worried if you see cows smoking marijuana?
Cause that's when the steaks are highest.
A woman wants her vaginal lips reduced in size
A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!" The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself." "The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago." "And what about the third rose?" she asked. "Oh, that rose is from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."
My credit card company must be really proud of me
They keep telling me I have an outstanding balance
What do biographers and serial killers have in common?
Multiple life sentences.
I hate the word “xenophobia”
it just sounds so…foreign
I am retired…
I was tired yesterday and I am tired today as well.