It is in fact the reason
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
The man asks, “And how would you do that?” The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and asks, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.” The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?” The man says, “I’m going home, too. How am I supposed to work in the dark?”
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar.
He came, he saw, he conquered.
A bishop walks straight up to the bar and the barman says
You can't do that. Bishops can only move diagonally.
I told my kids that due to the quarantine…
I’ll only be telling inside jokes.
“Excuse me,” I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, “You have some semen on the back of your jacket.”
"I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably just yogurt." "It's definitely semen," I said, "I don't ejaculate yogurt"
Why was the basketball court wet?
Everyone was dribbling on it.
I added Paul Walker as a friend on X-box…
But he spends all his time on his dashboard
![Arrays Start At [0]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/ys465mtjl8051-400x454.jpg)
I got a dog from the blacksmiths the other day…
As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
My wife thinks I won’t advance in my career because I procrastinate too much.
I told her, “Just you wait.”
There was two windmills in a field
One asked the other “What type of music do you like?” The other replied “Well I’m a big metal fan”
I had a granny that we couldnt decide whether to bury or cremate
In the end we decided to just let her live.
Two wrongs don’t make a right…
But two Wrights make a plane.
You know what I hate about cliffhangers?
Find out next week on r/jokes
A married man goes into a confessional and says to his priest..
"I had an affair with a woman… almost." The priest says, "What do you mean, almost?" The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest says, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say 5 Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box." The man leaves the confessional, says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly runs over to him saying, "I saw that, you didn't put any money in the poor box!" The man replies, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and apparently that's the same as putting it in."
I just bought the personalized license plate BAA BAA…
For my black Jeep.
Why do hobbit holes only have one entrance?
One does not simply walk into more doors.
My friends all claim that I’m the cheapest person they ever met.
I’m not buying it.
My five-year-old just asked me what my name is and I told him “You know what my name is.”
He replied, "Your name is 'You know what my name is'?" I've never been prouder.
What do you call a French man wearing sandals?
Phillippe Phillop.
Teacher asks her class, “If there’s 14 crows on a fence and you shoot 2 off, how many are left?
" One little boy says, "None, the shotgun scared them all away." Teacher says, "That's not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you're thinking." Boy says to teacher, "I have a question for you." "There's 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 is licking, 1 is sucking, 1 is biting. Which one is married?" Teacher answers (slightly embarrassed), "I imagine it's the one sucking." Boy says, "No, it's the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way your thinking !"
When I become a lawyer I want to defend a penguin.
Just so I can say the words “Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.”
Why is North Korea worse than South Korea?
They have no Seoul .
Elevators are a lot like urinals
Everyone’s looking down, nobody’s making eye contact, and my penis is exposed.
If you drop a plate of roasted pork…
…are you still considered ham-fisted?
A Cockroach and a Cricket were talking
Cockroach: Jiminy, you look so tired. What's wrong? Cricket: Well, Damian, my Firefly neighbor has kept me up every night for the past week with her loud music, and I have talked to the landlord multiple times, and he still won't do anything about it. Cockroach: Gosh, Jiminy, that must really bug you.
I have an Irish friend with a great personality that always bounces off the walls.
His name is Rick O’Shea.
Tripped over a dead body. Drew a chalk circle around it.
Did my part for contact tracing.
The hardest part about babysitting-
-is dealing with all the… spills!!!
(OC) How do you say goodnight to a tortilla chip?
Buenos Nachos!
The museum guide
Visitor: "How old is that Tyrannosaurus skeleton?" Guide: "70,000,006 years." Visitor: "Wow. How can you be so precise?" Guide: "They told me it was 70,000,000 years old when I started working here."
My favourite laws
1. Thermodynamics – energy cannot be created or destroyed 2. Murphy’s – anything that can go wrong will 3. Cole’s – thinly sliced cabbage
“Dad, I’m so happy! I got a B in reading!”
Dad: That’s a D, idiot.
