It is not too harsh.
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over." But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable."
What’s with these stingy ducks
They can’t get rid of their bills
6:30 is the best time on a clock
hands down
I like to call my weed “the Quran”
Because burning it will get you stoned.
A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Bartender: I'm sorry, we don't serve food here.
I got a phone call from my son’s school today
Hello, is that Mr Jenkins? Yes, how can I help you? Hi, This is little Billy’s music teacher calling Oh, hi Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands! Really? Wow! That’s.. Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet
I’m a 40 year old with the body of a 20 year old…
Any tips for burying him?
A farmer saw a plane full of politicians crash near his farm.
When emergency services arrived, they asked the farmer what happened? FARMER: They crashed near my farm and I buried all of them. One of the firemen asked with shock; "are you sure they were all dead"? FARMER: Some of them were screaming, "we are still alive". But I couldn't believe them. You know, these politicians. They can lie.
“Hello 911.” “What’s your emergency?” “These men won’t stop laughing.” “That’s annoying, but not a crime.”
“Wtf is manslaughter then.”
I just broke two of my dad’s old Queen records
Now I want to break three.
I tell dad jokes but I have no kids
I’m a faux pa
I sold some baby laxative to a junkie and told him it was cocaine…
The next day he told me that was the best shit he ever had.
What do you call a beehive with no exit?
Unbeelievable
My friend is a gay midget, who finally decided it was time to tell his parents
I was so proud of him for coming out of the cabinet!
Post Malone just suspended his tour.
That makes him Postponed Malone.
My partner is learning about male genitalia and vasectomies
I told her there's a vas deferens between male and female genitalia
![[legit] This year’s game will be a blow out.](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/okwf6Ov-400x275.jpg)
There was a toilet stolen from the police station…
They have nothing to go on My dad texted this to me today
Why did Princess Peach choke?
Because Mario came down the wrong pipe.
I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
![[NSFW] Gore](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/31nt0ypd84441-400x602.jpg)
A friend of mine said…
…that he had made the world’s flattest, blandest dough. To that I responded, “Prove it then!”
[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can’t see the bottom of this hole. “I wonder how deep it is.”, the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen….
….nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen….still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try that huge log over there.", says the other. Again, with a struggle, they haul this huge log to the hole, and roll it in. As they wait and listen, and seemingly out of nowhere, a goat runs up and jumps in the hole. As they both look at each other in shock, they hear a tractor coming across the field. Shortly, a farmer arrives, and asks, " Either of you boys seen my goat?". "Yeah!", they both exclaim. "One just came by and jumped in this hole!" The farmer sits back and tells them," No, no. Couldn't have been my goat. My goat was chained to a huge log."
My kids tell me that they want a cat for Chrismas this year.
We normally cook a turkey for Christmas, but if they want a cat, okay.
Why don’t ants get sick?
Because of their antybodies
Half of us are gonna come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks
and the other half are gonna come out with a drinking problem.
WeWork’s Founder Adam Neumann Getting Owned by Masa Son of SoftBank
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdPlCiS287k&t=3s
Are you aware of how to avoid clickbait?
Guess not
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The driver says, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." Stunned, the woman sits down and complains to the man next to her. "I can't believe that rude driver! He was so insulting to me! I have half I mind to tell him off!" The man replies, "You should. Let him have it. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you."
