It really makes my day.
Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much. “I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.” She said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis.” Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, holding one another. As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. She said, “You told me your penis was the size of an infant!” “Yes it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!”
"Can't I just finish the bar I was making for my house?" "No, that would be counter-productive."
Because people are losing their shit.
Guy: I’m coming over Girl: we should stop using walkie talkies in bed over
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
The bartender asked "why the big pause" The bear replies "I was born with them"
Cause there's too many Links
Someone threw a fridge at her.
…that there are no peanut butter fish.
When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 30 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a condom during sex.
All the slides were just pictures of me.
Rip it! 6 year old son just came up with this. I'm sure he's not the first to think of it, but he came up with it on his own and i got a good chuckle out of it. 🙂
The high C.
A foot truck!
I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.
Sails are going through the roof!
But i just can't see it.
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
The blonde, because she's the only one who's 18
It’s the little things that count.
"Thicc" with seven C's.
The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.
Don't use it.
They kind of fell off.
I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.
But backwards it’s even more stupid.
5th grader from Alabama, because he's 18 yrs old
A blonde woman visits her husband in prison Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: “You shouldn’t make my husband work like that. He’s exhausted!” officer laughs, saying: Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!”
"Bullshit! He just told me he is been digging a tunnel for months!"
Anna 1, Anna 2