It Snowed last so I made a Snow man
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 – A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 – So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 – My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 – The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 – The transgender man..women…person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 – The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 – I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 – The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .
8:40 – The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
8:42 – The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 – The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 – TV news crew from ABC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00 – I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 – I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 – Protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.
Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.
EDIT: For those you who seem to be angered by it, I'm saying the joke Ironically, alright? Sheesh people
Phones still bad.
It’s literally true
Deny, deny, deny… always not their fault
I said to my wife “When I die,” I’d like to die having sex”
She replied "At least we know it'll be quick"
I was embarrassed when my wife found out that I was playing with my son’s train set, so I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Of course they are
The Invisible Man [OC]
Do you know why cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
Hitler went to a fortune teller and asked her
“on what day will I die?” The fortune teller assured him that he would die on a Jewish holiday. “Why are you so sure of that?” demanded Hitler. “Any day”, she replied, “on which you die will be a Jewish holiday”.
What the developer makes vs What the designer made
Pray for 45
My phone kept calling me Shirley this morning
I had forgotten to take it off of airplane mode.
It do be like that
Stack Overflow be like
Peggy Johnson was suing her neighbor, Dave, for harassment after he kept calling her “pig.”
The two were fighting over their backyard borders, and so Dave took up to calling her a "pig." Peggy took him to court and sued him for harassment. The judge wanted to settle this immediately and issued an order for Dave to stop calling Peggy a "pig." "Dave, I'm giving you a chance to walk away scot-free. However, you can no longer call Ms. Johnson a 'pig.' Understood?" "Well… that doesn't seem fai- " "-we can let this go to trial, you can spend thousands on lawyers, but if Ms. Johnson's attorneys can prove calling her a 'pig' leads to emotional damage, you'll end up owing a lot." Dave paused. "OK, fine. Can I call a pig 'Ms. Johnson'?" The judge looked over his notes. "Yes… you may call a pig 'Ms. Johnson' without fear of legal recourse." Dave turned to Peggy and said "Good afternoon, Ms. Johnson."
Programming perception vs reality
Why is COBOL so popular at the moment?
What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
He let out a little wine
Modern comic relying on a 1970s/early 80s commercial reference for Reese’s cups
Reasons may vary
As a scarecrow they said I was outstanding in my field..
But hey, it's in my genes.
What does every racist joke start with?
A look over the shoulder.
Trump on coronavirus testing, March vs. April
Guitars good, wife bad.
I don’t get all the excitement surrounding Nintendo’s new product announcement…
My house is full of light switches!
How do you drown a hipster?
Throw them in the Main stream.
This joke has been marked as a duplicate.
Low effort meme
This sub basically
Share this on your facebook site shiela LOL
Is this your candidate?
What’s the difference between my husband and Gollum?
A ring actually means something to Gollum.
Korean Boomers be like:
If a blind girl says you have a big penis
She's probably pulling your leg
He had a small orange spot on the tippy tip of his chin
that is, until he… scrubbed it!!!
Ebay Global Shipping model – DankPods
Good guy NK
the photo was already cropped this way when i found it
Job requirements these days
Sorry, my 4y old brother wanted me to tell this joke here
Him: Knock, knock Me: Who's there? Him: Idiot Me: Idiot who? Him: IDIOT YOU!! He probably doesn't understand downvotes so I will have no Karma left after this EDIT: Wow! So many people upvoted this and I even got Silver! I'll tell my brother the Internet loved his joke! EDIT: Thanks for the Gold, kind stranger
Technology = bad
*Technical debt intensifies*
Gotta agree with Mr Owens here
If a blind girl tells you your dick is the biggest she’s ever felt…
She's probably pulling your leg.
how sad would it be for us loyal shits..
Never marry an archaeologist
They're always digging up the past.
Which is it?
My Wife is freaking out about this coronavirus. She made me promise I’d put the mask on before I left for work this morning……
Now I’m two hours late and I don’t even like Jim Carey
When I buy my wife something made of gold,
she always gazes at me in Au.
Realizing you just fucked up 5 hours of work on a PCR with one pipetting error
I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.
Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
Lock him up! Lock him up!
I was going to make an April Fools joke
But that was so yesterday
Reported from r/dankmemes and I thought it would be cool here
For the sake of equality, a husband=bad ‘joke’
Phone Claims Another Victim
Millennials are killing the church