It took me 32 years to realize the pun in “ I dream of Jeanie “ Jeanie is a genie. I dream of genie
I’m hosting a charity event for people who struggle to reach orgasm.
If you can't come, let me know.
that’s why you should learn about Algorithms
Oh wow what an idea thanks boomer
What do you call a pen that isn’t moving?
They’re out of their minds
What’s in a name?
he LITERALLY caught the bug 😂🤣😅
Why do the French have small breakfasts ?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
I saw Santa following me around in the mall, and I asked him why.
He said, “Christmas stalking.”
Fun(ny way put) Facts About DNA | Science Is Fun
Philadelphia is known for more than their cream cheese
On which side do chickens have the most feathers…
Not to brag, but I beat the local chess champion in less than 5 moves yesterday.
Finally my high school karate lessons came of some use.
An interesting title
Being a Cancer patient in the UK right now be like
As I suspected, someone’s been adding soil to my garden
The plot thickens
I am kung flu
2 pilots meet
300 people died
The struggle is real
Spotted this programming error in GTA (note the method sandwich())
I stubbed my toe against a gold bar
Au Au Au
Shared on Facebook by my resident boomer
Don’t bet against the Bern
Went to a sperm clinic earlier. That lady asked if i would like to masturbate in a cup?
I said, “I’m good but im not ready to compete in a tournament yet.
Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlour to get a tattoo.
After it wouldn't wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn't there.
The First Lady finally did the right thing
My grandfather says he survived mustard gas and pepper sprays during war.
He's a seasoned veteran.
BRAIN BAD. PHONE B A D
It’s a hoax, people
When you want to know true terror
Someone stole my gate
I didn’t say anything because he might take a fence
I once grabbed a slippery soap…
It got out of hand pretty quickly
Not a bad guy
Fuck your mom, is cool.
You can seal anything
Always remember to remove your debug statements
I’m also confused..
A man and his wife go to a therapist.
Therapist: What brought you two here today? Her: I hate how he takes things so literally. Therapist: And you? Him: A car.
My boyfriend’s dad just sent him this. What is this even supposed to mean?
me: i lost my gun
friend: aw shoot me: i cant
Deborah, will you look into that?
Why are monks so good at protesting?
The more ohms you have, the greater the resistance…
Can we please get back to football now?
He’s workin’ hard for your vote!
I ordered a thesaurus online, but when it arrived and I opened it, the whole book was empty, all pages blank!
There are no words to describe how mad I am!
This is so true
Why is it hard to wake up in Athens?
Dawn is tough on Greece.
Does this count?
Nvm fixed it
Sorry for the low quality of the image
The mind of a Trump supporter.
Docker sure is friendly
Three teenagers are walking along the side of a canal…
They notice some men in suits moving frantically around a drowning man. The three teenagers jump in and save the drowning person only to realize that it’s President Trump. Once everyone has recovered, the President thanks them for saving him. He offers each teenager one wish within his powers. The first teenager says that his father was wrongfully convicted and now sits on death row. Everyone knows it, but all of his appeals have been used up. His one wish is to have his father pardoned. Trump asks the kid for the name of his father and the pardon will be put through. The second teenager wants nothing more than to attend a military academy, like many other members of his family, but his grades aren’t good enough. Trump has the teenager give his information to one of the Secret Service agents and he’ll get into the academy of his choice. The third teenager asks to be buried at Arlington National Cemetery. Trump points out that this is a very unusual request. One of his friends is trying to save his father and the other wants to serve his country. Why is he asking for something so morbid? The teenager replies, “When my parents find out I saved you, they’re going to kill me.”
Which Disney Park ride has the most area for people to wait?
Breaking a leg during an audition…
Ensures that you end up in the cast…
QUARANTINE IS OVER!
If you lock up your girlfriend and dog in the trunk of a car for an hour…
which one is gonna be happy to see you when you open it up?
Project managers be like
My friend David lost his ID.
Now he's just Dav.
Been very productive during this quarantine
Did you know the titanic was the biggest whore in all the seven seas?
Everyone went down on her
My bald dad commented on my hair earlier.
He said I had hair like an emo. He wasn’t too happy when I said he had hair like a chemo.
the dogs are in it too now
Dad, I can’t sleep.
dad: "Why not?" kid: "Do you see that monster under my bed?" dad: [looks under bed] "OMG yes!" kid: "Well, I drank the whole can!"
There are two types of people in this world.
Those that finish their sentences and those
Coffee is our nectar of life
The News Conference we’d all like to see.
When you discover the FOR command