It was already hot garbage
but I heard it's whiskey buisness.
I said, “Awesome. What type is it?” He said, “ Two thirty.”
"Which is?" he asked. "Exactly."
I nearly fell out of my tree.
Nobody laughed at first, but eventually everyone got it.
But let me give it a shot.
Remind me, which is the one about being in the closet?
Including my name, address and phone number.
As a kid, if I ever said the word “apparently”, he would interrupt to shout “A Son Riley!”
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia
It does not have a menu Because you get what you deserve
"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. "Screw you" she screamed back at me. Bit harsh I thought…… it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!
It's based on achoo story.
Nobody will give me a straight answer
A friend of mine was killed last night. I came here for some relief from the grief and you all helped me so I thought I’d share my favorite joke.
It's important that you use a southern accent in your mind 😉 Jim Bob and John Boy were sittin on their front porch watching their beans grow. On the road at the edge of their property they see a Volkswagen sputter to a stop. They head out to it and see a pretty woman looking at the engine and scratching her head. Jim Bob "What's the problem miss?" Lady "I don't know maybe you can tell?" Jim Bob and John Boy take a look and find the radiator hose is broken and tell her. Lady "Is there someplace nearby I can get it fixed" John Boy "The nearest place is about six miles down the road but it's after five so it's already closed." Lady "Is there a motel nearby that I can stay the night?" Jim Bob "The nearest place is about three miles down the road but our truck is broked so we can't take you there." Lady "Well can I stay at your place for the night?" John Boy "Sure but we only have one bed." Lady "That's O.K., I just need a place to stay." After dinner they went to bed, the lady in the middle started to play with their penises. As they became erect she reaches into her purse whips out a couple of condoms and hands them to Jim Bob and John Boy. Jim Bob "What are these things for?" Lady "These are so I don't get pregnant." They all have sex for a couple hours and in the morning they call the tow truck and send her on her way. About six months later Jim Bob and John Boy are sittin on their front porch watching their beans grow… Jim Bob "Do you really care if that woman gets pregnant?" John Boy "No." Jim Bob "THEN LET'S TAKE THESE THINGS OFF!" Thank again for cheering me up 🙂
…a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away…
Time will tell.
the punchline is too long
I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road.
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 1 minute all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
Honey I'll be home in 20 minutes.
There haven't been any posts all year! australia squad
When they ask, "So, what do you do for a living?" I just say, "Oh, you know… stuff."
It's Lay Hee Hoo
But I came away with uncertainty and disorientation.
Turns out they meet tomorrow.
You have my Word!
Because its eeleagle.
One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it! "Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish! "I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said. And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of him! "I wish for a meat shower!" The second dinosaur said. And so the genie made all different sorts of meats from different animals rain from a small cloud above the dinosaur's head. Not wanting to be outdone by his friends the third dinosaur quickly tries to think of something better. "I wish for a meatier shower!"
I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was