IT WAS GOOD BUT YOU RUINED IT
all countries will get the corona virus eventually…
China just got it right off the bat
My wife told me take the spider out instead of killing him.
We had a few drinks, what a great guy. Turns out he’s a web designer.
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail
But apparently, you can’t end a sentence with a proposition.
Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo…
We’ll keep you updated as the story unfolds…
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
He tells the bartender one beer please and one for the road
Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?
Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.
What kind of music do elfs listen to
Wrap music
Hey officer, how did the hackers escape ?
I don't know, they just ransomware.
Why are snow cones never sold with lemon flavor?
Well, you should know.
I need some help fixing my new pen.
Anyone have any tips?
Coronavirus isn’t Trumps Fault. Ebola wasn’t Obama’s Fault. Sars wasn’t Brush’s fault….
And only a handful of cases of herpes were Clinton's fault.
A superhero arrives in a village.
The mayor of the village approaches him, clearly in distress. The superhero asks the mayor: "What's going on?". The mayor replies with: "We've got a monster nearby that's taking a virgin woman to eat every two days! Please, can you help us defeat it?". The superhero agrees and gets to work. Two weeks later the monster dies of starvation.
Why do Italians love soccer?
Because half way through, they get to switch sides.
To spell “panda” all you need is..
.. p and a.
I find bone puns very
Humerus
Is buttcheeks spelled as one word?
Or do you have to spread them apart?
My daughter hates soup alphabet, but when I am feeding her, I am saying she loves it.
I guess I am putting words in her mouth.
Helium walks into a bar
The bartender says, "Sorry but you're gonna have to leave; we don't serve noble gases here." Helium does not react
URGENT!!!! Anybody knows how to put the ring back on a grenade?!
I need an answer like RIGHT NOW!!!
I just saw a documentary on beavers.
Best dam show I've ever seen.
I relabeled all the jars in my wife’s spice rack.
I'm not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin…
People hate the police so much these days…
…that even Sting has stopped performing "Every Breath You Take."
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French!” after a swear word…
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French…
We were going to have chicken for supper, but ended up having rabbit.
It was a game changer.
Sharing one of the best Facebook pages for Computer Science memes.
Hi everyone,Please visit https://ift.tt/2Kh2Yho to check out some of the funniest memes on Computer Science. Also, do share the memes you want to get posted here (with credits given of course).
Do you know what I said to the person who was chasing me?
I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
Doctor : “ How many times have you watched Mary Poppins?” Me: “About 50, Why?”…
Doctor: “I’m afraid you’ve got an umdiddleyumdiddleyumdiddley eye”
The mirror told the echo…
The mirror: you should see yourself right now The echo: meh, I've heard it all before.
Who has two thumbs and loves Peter Pan?
Not Captain Hook.
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening at around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you,” the husband said. “I've been having an affair with my secretary and we had sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
The best part about Islamic sex dolls
Is they can blow themselves up
I was cleaning out my closet and found an old pair of jeans on the top shelf. Inside of them was a huge rubber penis. I showed my wife what I found and asked for an explanation.
She said, “Honey, you know I never lie. This way, when I tell you that you have a huge cock in your pants, I’m not lying.”
Why are curious people so good at singing?
Because they inquire.
If big feet means big dick and big car means small dick…
Then no wonder people are so scared of clowns.
I’ll let you have this roof for free
It's on the house