Its a 10 step process apparently
Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m Dad Wife: No you’re not.
How low can you go?
He said he couldn't complain.
A four-chin teller!
They never seem to leave
"I had an affair with a woman… almost." The priest says, "What do you mean, almost?" The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest says, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say 5 Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box." The man leaves the confessional, says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly runs over to him saying, "I saw that, you didn't put any money in the poor box!" The man replies, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and apparently that's the same as putting it in."
Because freedom rings
They both got 6 months. P.S this is my first ever post! Please be nive
and that's where I come in.
I’ll let you know.
I have grater problems to worry about.
So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.” “I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.” They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
Because they were 22
An algae- bra
My partner thinks Adidas, but I think Reebok is a good name for a baby boy.
Trump made a time of 11:56 Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31 Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03 But Bush did 9:11
I have no idea why he was so desperate for an ex box.
A young man goes off to college, but about one-third of the way through the semester, he's foolishly squandered the money his parents had given him. "Hmmmm," he wonders. "How am I going to go about getting more dough?" Then he gets and idea and phones his father. "Dad, you won't believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with!" he says. "Why, they have a program here that will teach Rex how to talk!" "That's amazing!" exclaims his father. "How do I get him in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1000," the son says, "I'll get him into the course." So his father sends the dog and the $1000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, he again runs out of money. He calls his father again. "So, how's Rex doing, son?" his father asks. "Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this, they've had such good results with this program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals to READ!" "READ!?" says his father. ""No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class," the son says. So the father sends the money. At the end of the semester, the son finds he has a problem. When he gets home, his father is going to find out that the dog can neither talk nor read, so he shoots the dog. When he gets home, his father is all excited. "Where's Rex?" asks his father. "I can't wait to hear him talk and listen to him read something!" "Dad," the son says, "I have some pretty grim news. When I got out of the shower this morning, Rex was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your dad still messin' around with that hot blonde who lives on Minute Street?'" The father replies, "Damn! I sure hope you shot that lyin' dog!" The son replies, "I sure did, Dad!"
Genie: Fine. You can have 3.14 wishes.
The second one is a repost….
It was an ether/oar situation
But you shouldn't use them unless you want your assets frozen.
But every time I bring it up, she smoothly changes the topic.
No text found
Why Worry? In life, there are really only two things to worry about. Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, there's nothing to worry about. If you are sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you get better, or you die. If you get better, there's nothing to worry about. If you die, there are two things to worry about. Going to Heaven, or going to Hell. If you go to Heaven, there's nothing to worry about. If you go to Hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with all your friends that you won't have time to worry…so why worry?
There's too much sax and violins
They give it two test tickles.
It’s almost December at the White House, and Donald Trump orders his aides to put up a nativity scene on the lawn…
After working for a few hours to set one up, the aides step back to look at their work. “It looks pretty good,” says the first one. “Yeah, but I’m not sure the boss will like it,” says the second. “What do you mean?” “Well, look at these three wise men. Three wise men? That sounds like Ivy League elitists to me. Plus, Frankincense and myrrh? I bet these guys are Arabs. The president wouldn’t like this at all.” The other aide agrees he has a point, so they take out the wise men and chuck them over the fence. “Do you think it’s ready now?” says the first aide. “Not really,” says the second one, “Look at Mary and Joseph – they’re refugees! I bet they’re bringing drugs and crime to Nazareth.” So they take out Mary and Joseph too. “Ok, I think we’re ready,” says the first one. “Not yet,” says the second, “look at the baby. His parents came from Egypt just so he could be born in Nazareth? Sounds like an anchor baby to me.” So they chuck out Jesus as well. Proud of their work, they head back to the Oval Office to let the president know they’ve finished. “Well?” He asks, “have you finished the most bigly tremendous decorations? We’re going to make Christmas great again.” “Yes, Mister President. We’re sure you’ll be very happy with it. We took out the wise men, Mary and Joseph, and Jesus.” “Well,” Trump asks, “what’s left?” “It’s just the way we thought you’d like it sir. One jackass and a whole bunch of sheep.”
She only carries one picture because once you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal.