its a classic
where have you been for the last 20 years?
I read it on an Instagram post.
No text found
"Supplies!" I'll see myself out
A passing soldier notices this, walks over and rolls his pants across the car. Magically, the car unlocks. The woman is relieved but puzzled, asking him how he did it. "That's easy. These are khakis."
A silent knight.
Because they cant even.
I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.
I’m asking for a friend.
He said, “Sorry. No time.”
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
It has a nice ring to it
I named the second one Repeat.
They were cooked in Greece
It would definitely spice up my autobiography.
I can never understand y.
On the other hand, I’m okay.
Little did he know toucan play at that game
It's better to use your fingers
Robin get in the car
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. i’ll explain later.”
The nun agreed… A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt said " I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don't want to go to Syria either."
But that’s a story for another time
After take off pilot accidentally left his microphone on and said to his Co pilot ' Now I just want a cup of coffee and a blowjob'. An air hostess ran to tell him to switch off his microphone. When someone from the passengers shouted 'He asked for a cup of coffee too'.
Except for the rare penfish, which is said to be mightier.
“Have you ever shoed horses before?” the blacksmith asked him. “No,” replied the Irishman, “but I did tell a donkey to fuck off once.”
It’s his altar ego.
I have to make every second Count.
So I packed my stuff up and right
Judge: Who the hell are you? You are not even in this trial. Me: I know. I just want it on the record.