It’s a crossover!!!
Mistake. (My 7 yo daughter thought it up at the grocery today. Never been more proud.)
A couple of guys are at the bar. First guy says to his buddy, "My wife just admitted to me that she's been having an affair with Bob the milkman." "What!?" says his buddy. "That fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?" "That's right," says the first guy. "Jesus," says his buddy. "Why would Bob the milkman want to fuck that?"
Because attachments are forbidden
It was accidental.
But one look and I realised it was a small price toupee.
Can someone from admin please explain to me why my post was removed? I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over.
His grades were below C level.
But that's comparing apples to oranges
I told him that we would prefer if the baby kept its liver.
I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties. I thought, fuck me, I might win this
He lets a little scream out and look at his father, dumbfounded. "Don't be shocked, son. Everybody does this. Soon, you will do it too." "But… Why, daddy?" "Because my hands are starting to ache"
Because he always accepts cookies.
A ban from the petting zoo.
But I laugh more.
because y'all keep ignoring me
It only takes one nail to hang up the painting.
He goes to the urinal as another man enters and starts using the urinal next to him. The other man looks over at him and asks, "Are you a Jew?" "Why yes, I am," he replied. "Are you circumcised?" The second man asked. A bit put off, the first man answered warily. "A strange question… but yes.. I am circumcised…" "Did you grow up in New York?" The second man asked. "Well, yes! I did. How did you know?" "Did you study under Rabbi Korinski?" "I did! How do you know so much about me?" "He cuts at an angle and you're pissing on my shoe."
A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached him. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?" Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"
Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.
I saw a radio the other day on sale for $1. It had a note stuck on it saying, “Volume stuck on full”
I though, “I can’t turn that down”
I still do, but I used to too
I failed my driving test today. I was driving down a country road with the examiner, when a rabbit ran out right in front of the car.
I remembered my instructor said you should never swerve or try to avoid an animal, because it's dangerous and you can end up causing a more serious accident.You should always just hit it and keep on driving. Had to chase that little bugger for miles across the fields before I finally got it!
He got so mad that he stormed off saying that he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. He’ll come around eventually
The rotation of the earth
Easy. Good cops carry a Goodge.
One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?" Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band." "There is no band on this ship." "No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship."
He is my cousin, twice [removed]