It’s for you
I was feeling lonely so I bought some shares
It's nice to have some company
Did you know if you rearrange all the letters in Post Office
They get really annoyed
My son asked me if I peeked at my presents early this year…
I told him that I had Clausible deniability.
I bought my friend an elephant for their room
They said, "Thanks." "Don't mention it," I answered.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the oven until its Bill Withers. (A tribute to Bill – RIP)
My proctologist gave me two thumbs up …
Which I really didn't appreciate.
I went to the shop the other day to buy six cans of Sprite.
/r/Jokes/comments/gt1blg/i_went_to_the_shop_the_other_day_to_buy_six_cans/
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants
The bartender looks at him and says, “Do you know you’ve got a steering wheel in your pants?” The pirate goes, “Aye, it’s been driving me nuts!”.
Karen got hired to an offshore rig during the pandemic.
She's an essential oil worker now.
So many people complain about how much money it is to fill up their car with gas.
I save money by filling up just the tank.
I asked my girlfriend if she does any other exercises…
Other than jumping to conclusions.
I walked into the library and asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia.
She said: "They're right behind you."
A ship carrying blue paint collided with a ship carrying red paint.
Both crews have been marooned.
I’ve just got a new job as senior director at Old MacDonald’s farm…
I’m the CIEIO!!!!
To whoever stole my anti-depressants,
I hope you're happy now.
I taught my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.
I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.
My first job was working at an orange juice factory
..but, I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.
Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because his mom and dad were in a jam
I don’t like how shopping centres are so similar..
You see one, you've seen a mall.
2 blind guys were about to fight
I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins! Both started running away.
![All it takes is a little human sacrifice. [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/nxqgdu7oues41-400x400.png)
I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.
I never got a straight answer.
What did one bone say to another bone?
Let’s meet up and share a joint.
Soap Dispenser
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realise there is no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun, "its a soap dispenser". To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood… sure enough he drops the second bar of Soap. The third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs, then yells! "Mary, Mother of God – Hand Lotion too!
Duck fart
My daughter just looked at me funny when I farted next to her on the couch. She said it sounded like a duck. I replied with "Obviously, it came from my buttquack."
With great power comes a huge electricity bill.
No text found
