It’s for you
It's nice to have some company
They get really annoyed
I told him that I had Clausible deniability.
They said, "Thanks." "Don't mention it," I answered.
Put it in the oven until its Bill Withers. (A tribute to Bill – RIP)
Which I really didn't appreciate.
The bartender looks at him and says, “Do you know you’ve got a steering wheel in your pants?” The pirate goes, “Aye, it’s been driving me nuts!”.
She's an essential oil worker now.
I save money by filling up just the tank.
Other than jumping to conclusions.
She said: "They're right behind you."
Both crews have been marooned.
I’m the CIEIO!!!!
I hope you're happy now.
I taught my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.
I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.
..but, I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.
Because his mom and dad were in a jam
You see one, you've seen a mall.
I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins! Both started running away.
I never got a straight answer.
Let’s meet up and share a joint.
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realise there is no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun, "its a soap dispenser". To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood… sure enough he drops the second bar of Soap. The third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs, then yells! "Mary, Mother of God – Hand Lotion too!
My daughter just looked at me funny when I farted next to her on the couch. She said it sounded like a duck. I replied with "Obviously, it came from my buttquack."
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