Its funny because he’s an alcoholic!
It was a bit boring.
Because he has green thumbs
They checked our ratings. One star.
Silly question, every child knows that.
Doug. What do you call a man without a shovel? Douglass.
Which I really didn't appreciate.
One boy says to the other, “is this whiskey?” The other boy replies, “yes, but not as whiskey as wobbin a bank.”
Number One with a Pullet.
We aren't doing enough to exterminate the fag-hating squirrel.
"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction. The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasant disrespecting you? Aren't you the king of the jungle? Do something…", "Just ignore him" says the lion "he's just a stupid monkey that isn't worth our time". "Yesterday I fucked your wife reaaaal good and she liked it!" shouted the monkey. "That's it" said the lioness "I'll teach him a lesson and then we'll have a serious talk about self respect" and went after the monkey who started swinging from a tree to the next. The lioness kept running after the monkey, he swings to the left, she goes left, he swings to the right she goes right, and suddenly the monkey missed the branch by a bit and felt on the ground below a hole made of the tree roots. "gotchu" said the lioness as she pounced towards the monkey, who actually was waiting for this to happen, his small size allowed him to get through the hole, while the lioness got stuck. He swung behind her, and fucked her to his heart's content with a dirty smile on his face. That evening the lioness retuned to her home silent, and when she saw the lion she said "you were right, I shouldn't had let that peasant's taunting get to me"… The lion hugged her understandingly and said "yeaaaah, you too got stuck in the roots didn't you? "
What if like a ladybug got all dusty and stopped flying and became a Potatoe bug?
In my heart, he'll always be a wiener
i haven't looked back since
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father." The second Catholic women chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Grace." The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence." The fourth Catholic women sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her a subtle "Well…?" She replies, "My son is a charismatic, 6'2", hard-bodied male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "My God."
Because they are really good at it.
I should have bought asparagus
Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made
Because they know divorce will be with them. Always.
It means a lot to me.
How you been?
“Nope. It’s as easy as 1,1,2,3.”
Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. She said, “What movie would you like to see?”
I said, “You pick.” She said, “You pick.” I said, “I don’t care. You pick.” She said, “Sir, there are people waiting behind you waiting to buy tickets.”
The dog says, “but I rounded them up.”
Guardians of the Galaxy
We really need to raise the bar.
She said "what's the point?" My daughter insisted I post her joke here, haha.
She said no both times
It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
In the Ark hives
He's gay, definitely gay.
It was a #2!
Like I'm going to listen to a drug addict