Its getting ridiculous
r/NASAmemes is a new subreddit for space and NASA memes!
r/NASAmemesFeel free to join if you’re interested!
Moonlighting at stand-up comedy…
…the baker was known for his rye humor…
How do you measure the mass of a Red Hot Chili Pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
An old man applies for a job as a woodcutter,
but the boss doesn't think he's fit enough. He tells the boss he is able to cut down any tree in a single swing. To prove this, he goes outside, hits a five foot tree with his axe, and it falls over. The boss is impressed. The old man then repeats this with a ten foot tree. Then a thirty foot tree. Finally, he takes his axe up to an 80 foot redwood, swings, and the giant tree comes tumbling down. The boss is amazed, and asks the man how he learned to do that. The man says "I practiced in the Sahara forest." "Don't you mean the Sahara desert?" The boss asks. "Well yes," says the old man, "that's what they call it now."
My wifeβs sister visited us yesterday in her brand new Porsche.
Astonished, my wife asked her βHow could you afford this?!β βYou know, a blow job every now and again makes my husband very generous,β she replied. Surprised, my wife turned to me and winked, βI think Iβll start doing that.β βMe too,β I replied, turning to my sister in law. βWhatβs your husbandβs number?β
My son is a man trapped in a womanβs body.
Heβll be born in February.
A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, “Give it to me straight doc!”
The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS."
In America some dogs are K-9
In China some dogs are E-10
Having trouble understanding top heavy fractions?
Our helpline is open 24/7!
Two cartoonists fought each other to death and the police are investigating
The details are pretty sketchy and the reports are saying it ended in a draw
Started a new job where I test cat flaps with my toes.
I'm only doing it to get my foot in the door.
So this guy with premature ejaculation comes out of nowhere
Thatβs it… thatβs the whole fucking joke.
I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke
What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw in your laundry. The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit." We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."
Me: See? To prove I’m not a boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!
Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh? Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work! Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly.. Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.
Pov: My mom wakes my sleepy ass up to do the dishes
Pov: My mom wakes my sleepy ass up to do the dishes
A 60 year old billionaire marries a hot 24 year old…
During the wedding party, his friends ask him, βHowβd you land someone that young?β βItβs simple,β said the billionaire, βI faked my age!β βI mean, Iβm 43, and thereβs no way I could land her!β, a friend exclaims. βWhat age did you tell her you were?β Smiling mischievously, the billionaire responds, β85 years old.β
I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
I thought I dipped my tortilla chip into a bowl of cheese sauce, but it turned out to be honey mustard.
It was a queso mistaken identity.
I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches
But then I realized it would be a waist of time
Justice is best served cold.
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
Who has two thumbs and loves Peter Pan?
Not Captain Hook.
Two lesbians and two gay guys are driving to the beach. Who gets there first? nsfw
The lesbians because theyβre doing 69 the whole way while the gay guys are still at home packing shit.
Some cities have bathrooms that you pay to use.
You could say they are charging a Pee-mium.
It’s understandable. He’s not used to not getting his own way all of the time.
https://ift.tt/3c8cfUm
I bought a Dog off a Blacksmith the other day…
As soon as I got him home he made a Bolt for the Door.
Shout out to the guy that makes these sausages
In my heart, he'll always be a wiener
The world’s largest egg is laid by the Ostrich…
And the world's largest woman is laid by your dad.
So I just got my wife with this one… She asked to go to Victoria’s Secret to buy some new underwear… She complained that her favorite pairs had holes in them…
I said "of course they have holes in them, how else are you supposed to get your legs through?" I could feel the eye roll from across the room
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.